Partner Parables

Partner Parables

 

                I’ve had many sales partners and trained sales agents over the years and I’ve loved them all dearly.  They were all so different in their own special ways and I’ve never forgotten all the stories that have made me laugh uncontrollably.  Here’s a collection of short stories about my beloved partners and sales agents over the years:

 

                A Blast of a First Day

                It is my first day at my new neighborhood and also my first official day with a particularly large company and I meet my new partner.  She’s very pretty and outgoing and has a skirt on with some cute little heels.  As she’s showing me around the model homes, we get to the option and color selection room upstairs and she says, “Oh.  This is really important.  Watch.  Listen.”

                Then she grabs her dress, pulls it up to her waist, throws her foot in the air, jumps up and farts so loud that it scares me and I jump. 

                “So.  Any questions about the colors and options?” she says without even smiling or missing a beat. 

                “You just jump farted.  I don’t even know you.” I said. 

                “Oh that.  Yep.  Get used to it.”

                “I think I love you.” I said.  And we lived happily ever after.

 

First Day Jitters

Several years later, I was working for a different company and a new girl had her first day as a new homes consultant.  She said that she was a nervous person and that she took an extra dose of her anti-anxiety pill that morning.  I was thinking that this wasn’t a very good start but began to train her anyway. 

I could tell she was very nervous because she kept running to the bathroom.  She went to the bathroom about 10 times in the matter of the first hour.  She just kept saying how nervous she was.  I told her it would be okay, that I used to be a teacher and I’ve been a sales trainer, I’m very patient and will help her through this.  She tentatively agreed and kept working on the computer.  Every once in a while, I would smell something foul and pretended not to smell it so her nerves wouldn’t get any worse than they were.

At this instant, she sprang up from her chair, looked at me with tears in her eyes and cried, “I’m sorry!”

“For what?” I said. 

“I thought that I just had to toot and I just crapped my pants big time!” and she started crying profusely.

I didn’t know what to say and just sat there with my jaw on the floor.  She didn’t move but the smell suddenly hit me and I yelled, “Oh God!  You’re going to have to go home I think.”

“Yeah.  It’s a big one. It’s diarrhea. And it’s going down my pants leg.” She bellowed and wailed in embarrassment.

“Go home! I won’t tell.  Change clothes and come back.”

So she walked slowly to her car with a stiff legged walk of shame and we were partners for a year and I’ve never told a soul until now.

 

Politically Incorrect

Since I had teaching, sales training and sales management experience, I was called on to train most all of the new sales people.  Some were young and soaked everything in and were excited to learn and some were older, set in their ways and said things that made you want to crawl under a rock. 

The latter is the case of this story.  One gentleman that I was training was on his fourth day and he was starting to get the hang of things by watching me greet customers and answer any questions about the neighborhood that people might have.  On this day, I was writing a contract with another customer and I let the newbie greet people that came in.  There is no better practice than to just do it!

I’m listening to the newbie greet a customer when they asked about the racial makeup of the community.  Oh no!  We haven’t gone over a prepared response for that yet!  Oh God!  I jumped up to intervene but not quick enough.  Now, my newbie has no issues with any race, but he has an issue with nervously saying things that he shouldn’t and not remembering how or why he said it.  I call it “information vomiting with no recall”. 

To the customer’s question of racial makeup for the community, my newbie, obviously rattled and nervous spouts off, “Well… I can tell you immigration isn’t staking out THIS neighborhood!”

Oh god!  It was so painful.  I said, “I’m sorry.  What he meant to say is that we’re a beautifully diverse neighborhood and we urge you to spend time in the neighborhood to find a home and atmosphere that works for you and your family.”

The newbie said, “Yeah.  That’s what I said.”

 

 

Realistic Portrayal of Model Homes

I trained a company’s sales team with a sales agent who had serious issues with drinking.  I never said anything because I knew that it was so bad, that basically anyone could see it any time.  Realtors began complaining that he was drunk and just handed them a key and went back to sleep at his desk.  One realtor even told a story that he took them out to see a home, got out of the car, barfed on the street, wiped his mouth with his shirt and staggered into an inventory home to show them.  She was mortified!

His last day of work, he had come in completely drunk.  He opened the door to the model and passed out on the bed in the master bedroom.  He probably would have gotten away with it except the front door was open and a customer came in, tried to wake him, called 911 and the ambulance drove him to the hospital where he was treated for alcohol poisoning. 

When asked about the ordeal, the customer said, “At first I just thought that it was some sort of new thing that showed you how real people can live in the models.  I just thought he was acting.  Then I got scared because I thought he was dead.”

 

Super Partner Strength

When you’re a woman in real estate, you’re always on edge when you’re alone in an office with a stranger.  This particular day, my partner and I were both working and a strange man walked in and started talking to Leslie, my partner.  I immediately got a bad feeling when the hairs on my neck and arms stood on end.  The questions he was asking seemed rehearsed.  He asked to see the model home.

Leslie took him down the walk to see the model home.  Another customer came in and I was busy for a little while with them and realized after they left that it had been a very long time and Leslie still wasn’t back.  I instantly felt scared and knew I was about to walk in on a bad scene.  Every hair on my body was standing up as I opened the front door.  I was right. 

They were both at the top of the stairs and Leslie was crying and pleading with the large man to let her go and she was writhing but couldn’t shake his grip. Something went through me that I’ve never felt before and I instantly was filled with unshakable bravery and strength and screamed, “Hey (bad word here)! Let go of her!”

The huge stranger was so transfixed by Leslie that he didn’t even hear me and didn’t see me charging up the stairs towards him.  Leslie was about to pass out from fear and he was holding her up against him.  I pushed through them and broke up his grip on her and Leslie fell to the ground crying.  I burned a hole through his retinas and screamed, “Get out!”

What looked back at me was pure evil and he smiled a sinister smile and started to move towards me and I pushed him down the stairs. He fell down about six or seven stairs when he grabbed the rail and steadied himself and smiled again.  I came after him and pushed him down the final flight and when he got up at the bottom of the stairs it was like he had woken up from a dream or possibly possessed. 

He looked at me like he’d never seen me before and said, “What the hell are you doing?  What’s wrong with you?” He dusted himself off, stood up and said, “Ya’ll are crazy.”  Then he left.

Immediately, the super human strength left and I felt extremely weak and didn’t know if I could stay upright.  I didn’t know if I could make it up the stairs to check on Leslie or not.  Somehow, I pulled myself up and called out to her and she said she was okay.  I made it to the top of the stairs and hugged her as we both sat on the ground and cried; both weak from fear.  She said, “Thank you. I was so scared.  I don’t know what he would have done to me.”

“That’s what partners do.” I said.  “We watch out for each other’s backs.”

I had never seen that guy before and thankfully I never saw him again.  I don’t know what came over me that day but I think I was possessed too.   But definitely not with the same spirit he was possessed with.  A spirit that was strong enough to ward off pure evil.

All Shook Up At The King's House

All Shook Up At The King’s House

 

           

            When I was growing up, the only music I was allowed to listen to was Disney records, Tennessee Ernie Ford, Hank Williams Senior, The Statler Brothers and Elvis Presley Gospel.  My father is a Baptist preacher and was pretty strict about what we listened to.  I remember, I saved up all my money one year and went to the mall and bought Michael Jackson’s Thriller on cassette tape.  It was awesome!  One afternoon my dad snapped it in half and stomped on it like it was a vile and filthy stinging bug and said, “He's not going to sing a song in my house!”

 

            Needless to say, I learned how to sing from the classic greats!  If you ask anyone that knows me in this town who my favorite singer of all time is, they’ll tell you without hesitation, Elvis Presley!  When I was finishing up with college I started singing in bands and sang professionally for about six years.  Every band I was in, we did some sort of tribute to Elvis at the end of the night.  No one else ever put as much heart and soul into music as he did.  I still get the chills when I hear his songs. 

 

            Elvis Presley used to live in Killeen, Texas.  Yes.  You heard that right.  How come you didn’t know this?  It’s sad I know.  Everyone should know this!  We should still have signs everywhere in Killeen!  There used to be a sign up in Killeen a long time ago before you came into town that said, “Elvis lived here.  So can you.”

 

            I love that!  Where did it go?  I can’t say.  But…when a local realtor came into my office where I was selling homes at the lake and told me that the house he used to live in was available…I nearly hit the ceiling!

 

            It took me all of 30 seconds to find out where it was and run over there to look at it.  It was a beautiful single story home on a half-acre with gorgeous trees that shaded the whole lot.  The house sat back from the street with a big covered front porch.  I could just imagine Elvis’s pink Cadillac sitting in the driveway and people standing in the street just to catch a glimpse of him. 

 

            The house was in really good shape and a lot of the same fixtures were there.  It was rumored that he had put in pink toilets.  Those were not there of course.  I had remembered a photo of Elvis taken in front of the fireplace of the house he stayed in while he was in basic training on Fort Hood.  This is it!  I was standing in the exact same place Elvis stood for that photo!  I was in heaven and enchanted. 

 

            I called my husband and told him about it and said I wanted to buy it.  He didn’t argue with me because he knew how much I loved Elvis.  Our entire game room and half the house was covered in Elvis memorabilia.  I put in an offer on the house that day! 

 

            I couldn’t believe that this house hadn’t been memorialized!  Why doesn’t anyone know that Elvis lived here?  I started to put a plan in place to turn it into a museum and a place with all the photos and memorabilia from when Elvis was in the army.  The offer was accepted and a few weeks later, I owned the home that Elvis lived in while he was in basic training in 1958.  I began to decorate and friends emerged and started to help make it a beautifully staged home full of Elvis army memories.  My plan was to decorate it and try to sell it to someone with a lot of money who could turn it into something wonderful like it deserved to be! 

 

            I hired a company out of Tennessee that had just auctioned off a home that Elvis had lived in prior to his move to Killeen.  That home appraised at around $80,000 and sold for nearly a million on Ebay.  The company was very excited to get the house and start marketing.  We put it on Ebay and the results weren’t as good as what we had hoped.  We had a few celebrities that bid. We had bids up to our “break even” point the day the auction ended and would’ve lost money to close on it.  So we decided to put it up again at a later date. 

 

            During this down time, I decided to have a party at the Elvis house.  I invited about 25 of my closest girl friends to spend the night there.  We had a blast!  Four or five different people were taking pictures, including me, that night when we had a realization.  In every picture that every person was taking with different cameras, there were orbs.  Anywhere from one to eighteen.  So we began taking more and more pictures with all the different cameras at different parts of the house. 

 

            We ended up spooking ourselves out so badly that only five girls ended up spending the night.  When we finally turned out the lights, huddled together in our sleeping bags on the floor and got quiet, things got even weirder.  Now, if you don’t believe in the paranormal, you can choose to read this and dismiss it.  But if you do believe in the paranormal, this was one of the creepiest experiences ever! 

 

            One of my friends suddenly yelled out, “What?!” 

 

            I said, “What is it?”

 

            She said, “One of ya’ll keeps whispering my name! Stop!”

 

            None of us had done it.  We were all so truly freaked out that out of respect for the other girls; we weren’t doing anything extra to scare each other that night.  Right after that, another girl jumps up and screams, “Turn on the light!”

 

            Someone turned on the light and she was really upset and said that she had watched an orb float through the room into the kitchen.  Only when it went around the corner did she have the breath or guts to say anything. 

 

            We talked about it for a while until we thought we were okay to go back to sleep.  I had just gone back to sleep when I woke up to a weird pressure on me.   I felt the sleeping bag pulling on one side and then I heard the zipper.  I was frozen!  My friend was dead asleep next to me and there was no one on my right.  The zipper kept going and it unzipped about five or six inches before I screamed and wiggled out of the sleeping bag.  It had stopped and my sleeping bag lay motionless.  But that was it.  We didn’t sleep another wink that night. 

 

            We started to zoom in on the photos that we had taken and saw that the larger orbs had what looked like faces in them.  One orb even had a gentleman with a top hat on and a frilly collar.  In one picture, there was a woman holding a baby.  You could see her arm perfectly with a pearl bracelet on and she was holding a swaddled baby.  You couldn’t see the baby’s face, but you could see her face.  It was terrifying!  After we had seen this photo with the lady with the pearl bracelet, we started finding these little pearls in every room of the house. 

 

            When morning came, we couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  I never went back into the house alone, again.  I was really creeped out. I don't know if any of these events had anything to do with Elvis but to make things even weirder, Uri Gellar, the famous mentalist out of the UK, had expressed an interest in buying the home.  He’s most famous for bending spoons with his mind.  His interest faded and it didn’t work out. 

 

            I ended up owning the home for two years and I let anyone who was a fan go in and check out all the articles, photos and memorabilia I had there.   I became pregnant with our precious daughter and had a very rough pregnancy and nearly died after I gave birth.  We had to let the house go and a very nice couple bought it who are also Elvis Presley fans.  It tore me up inside to let it go.  I wanted to be able to make sure that anyone who lived or came to Killeen would know that a music legend once lived here for a year and went to basic training at Fort Hood. 

 

I learned of so many beautiful and interesting stories from people who had met him while he lived here.  He was a kind man, kissed a lot of women who still live here, got clotheslined in a neighbor’s backyard running from their dog while he was dodging crazed teens, and bitten by a dog that was in a parade with a sign around his neck that said, “I bit Elvis.” He would just show up at bars and restaurants and would sing songs for them all night. There were many superstars that stayed there at the house and spent nights around the piano singing and laughing

 

Very recently, I met an older gentleman and his wife at an open house I was holding in Killeen.  They said they had owned their home here since the fifties and were thinking that they needed a change, finally.

 

 I asked them, “Well, I guess you got to see Elvis.  He was here in 1958.”

 

The wife instantly changed expressions to a forlorn look and held her gaze in her husband’s eyes.  He began to tear up. She talked for him because he couldn’t talk.  He was completely overcome with emotion.  She said, “My husband was Elvis’s staff Sargent in the army.  They became very close friends.”

 

I told her how I had bought the home that Elvis had lived in and how much it had meant to me.  We were all crying at this point when finally, the husband spoke. 

 

            He said, “Elvis was a good boy.  He was dealing with things that no boy his age should have had to deal with.  We talked a lot.  He was my friend.  When he was through with basic training here at Fort Hood, he was assigned to Germany.  I went with him in the same group.  He invited me up to his house that he had rented in Germany and I’ll never forget what he said.  We were standing on a balcony one night overlooking a party at his house and he looked at me with so much sadness and with a wavering voice he said, “I don’t know who any of these people are.  Except you.  Thank you.”

 

            As he finished his story, his eyes were full of tears and he was lost in a world that was still playing out in front of him.  As I write this and remember the look on his face, I know exactly what type of person Elvis was and just how he affected everyone that he was in contact with.  He died three years after I was born, yet I have been enamored with him since I was able to talk.  I would’ve given anything to have met him, to have seen him sing or smile.  At least for a little while, I owned something that was special to him, where he spent his family time.  And that is as close as I’ll come.  That’s enough.  Long live the King.

 

 

The first photo is of Elvis in front of the fireplace in 1958.  The second is the fireplace today.