The Near Death Of A Saleswoman

The Near Death of a Sales Woman

            After I had my precious daughter, I seemed to put on a few extra pounds that were nagging at me every time I looked in the mirror.  So I decided to go visit the local “fat doctor” (a doctor who prescribes medication to lose weight for lazy people who don’t want to exercise) to get a dose of metabolism.  It’s basically legalized speed.  I had been taking these for a while, feeling great and had lost about ten pounds already.  I was however, feeling increasingly anxious and had felt my heart do some very strange things.  I shrugged it off as my boosted metabolism jump starting my heart.  (I know, it sounds stupid now that I just said it.)  All of this to preface the day that I almost died and the not so caring realtor who was convinced I was fine.  She’s NOT a doctor might I add.

            Whether it’s global warming, depleted ozone or just Texas, it was hot in the summer of 2009.  We had two straight months with temperatures over the one hundred degree point.  With times as rough in the new homes industry as they have been, builders were cutting corners every where they could.  One of those was not to run the air conditioners in the homes that were currently available (which actually detracted to the sale because people didn’t even want to go inside these houses that were hotter inside than it was outside!).  So when a realtor that I have known a while drove up with customers following her, it was a bittersweet feeling.  I wanted to sell a home but I did not want to leave the air conditioned office.  So I jumped into the car with her, let’s say her name was Claire.  Claire and I exchanged pleasantries and we set up a plan to see about four different homes that were available. 

            As Claire and I got out of the car, something started to not feel right with me.  I introduced myself to the customers and we walked up to the house.  As I was putting the key in the door, I felt my heart do something strange and I again brushed it aside as boosted metabolism.  We walked inside of the three thousand square foot baker’s oven where it was one hundred degrees downstairs and as we were heading upstairs the heat was like a wall hitting us.  Everyone was bent over and hurrying through the house to see it as fast as possible in order to get out as fast as possible. By the time I made it up the stairs, everything started to tunnel out on me.  My hands started to tingle, I was light headed, I couldn’t see well and my heart was racing as beads of sweat ran down my face.  I turned to Claire and said, “There’s something really wrong with me.  I don’t feel right.”

            She said, “It’s just hot in here.  We need to get outside and you’ll feel better.”

            So I carefully walked down the stairs afraid that I was going to pass out any minute.  I walked outside and sat down in Claire’s car while she remained outside talking to her clients.  I leaned the seat down and I knew that I was dying at that point.  I’ve never felt anything like what I had felt that day.  As I laid back, everything turned black on me and I passed out for a few moments.  When I came to, I called my husband, who is a Firefighter and an Emergency Medical Technician, and told him what I was feeling.  I was scared to death, crying, sweating, could barely see and could barely form words. 

            My husband said, “You need to get back to the office and relax.  If you still feel the same call someone.” 

            I told him, “I think this is really serious.  I’m with a realtor and I’ve got to get to a hospital.”

            He could hear how scared I was and said, “Well, tell Claire to take you back to the office and see how you feel after you’ve sat in the air conditioning for a while.”

            So, here’s where things get ridiculous.  I’ll tell it word for word as it happened.  I really want you to feel like you were there.

            “Claire.” I said, panting her name out as I leaned back in her car seat, fanning my face that was milky white and covered in sweat.  “Something is wrong. I need you to take me back to the office.” I said with my eyes closed because for some reason I couldn’t see very well and it scared me to open my eyes.

            “Oh Myka, you’ll be fine.  You’re just hot.  I feel like I’m going to die right now too.  Now, where is the other home that you’re going to show us today?” she asked as if she didn’t see the disgusting, sweaty, dying sales person in the passenger seat.

            “I’m serious Claire.  I have never felt like this before and I need to go back to the office.”  I said, barely getting the sentence out because I was drifting in and out of consciousness.  At this point, I was completely laid down in her car, I was shaking uncontrollably, sweating profusely, couldn’t open my eyes, and could barely put words together.

            “So is it up here on the same street or do I need to take a right turn?  What’s the price on this next house anyway?” she asked.

            I couldn’t believe this!  Could someone be this cold hearted or desperate to get a sale?  I started to really cry because I knew I was probably going to die in Claire’s car and I wouldn’t ever get the chance or the strength to strangle her to death.  I mustered all of my strength and yelled, “Claire!  Take me back to the office!  I am dying and I need an ambulance.”

            “Okay, but I still think you’re just hot.  Let me tell my customers what we’re going to do.  They’re going to be mad that they have to follow me back to the office only to backtrack to this next house.” She stated, obviously irritated, while she was rolling down the window. 

            “Hey guys, Myka is sick so I’m going to drop her off at the office real quick.  Follow me and then we’ll go look at that other house.  Myka?” she looked at me and asked me again, “Where is the next house?”

            “D_____t, Claire!  Take me back to the office!” I was sobbing uncontrollably because I was scared. 

            “Okay.  Let’s go.” She said. 

            “Finally!” I thought to myself.  I was fanning myself with the only thing that I had and that was the list of available homes that I had brought with me to make sure we were going to the right houses.  We finally made it to the model and Claire says….oh you’ll never believe this:

           

            “Is it okay if I drop you off at the corner, I want to make sure my customers don’t get mad about backtracking?”

            I was just so glad to be at the model home that I didn’t care where she dropped me off.  However, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get out of the car or walk or more than likely crawl back into my office.  It literally took me two minutes to lift myself up out of the car without passing out.  Every time I moved, everything went black again.  During these two minutes I was fanning myself with the available homes list and that was keeping me from completely passing out from the heat.  Claire was sighing with frustration at how long it was taking me to get out of the car and then in a final act of unbelievable uncaring, she said, “Oh and Myka? I’m going to need that available homes sheet you’re using.” 

            It was at that moment that I vowed to punch Claire if I ever lived past this day.  So I handed her my only lifeline, my fan, and shakily stood on the street corner with my eyes barely open.  She closed the door for me and sped away making sure that she didn’t see that I made it to the front door okay.  I was talking to myself and trying to put one foot in front of the other. I knew that if I went down on my knees, I’d never get up and I wanted to live to see me put the hurt on Claire! 

            As I walked to the front door, I got out my cell phone and told my construction manager to come over here, that I was sick and needed help.  He was there in less than a minute.  Finally, someone who cares!  I sat in my office for a while, trying to get a grip on reality but it was getting worse.  My construction manager called the ambulance.

            When the emergency crew got there, I was still on the edge.  They took my vitals and I knew I was in trouble when one of the technicians said, “Holy crap, look at this!”  My heart rate was 214 beats per minute with so many irregular beats that they couldn’t believe it.  They immediately strapped me to the gurney and put me in the ambulance.  While I was in the ambulance, one of the firefighters said, “Now don’t be scared, but this is usually fatal if we can’t get your heart rate down.  You’re about to have heart failure.”

            “Did he just say, ‘don’t be scared, but this is usually fatal?’” I asked myself.  So I just started to pray.  I made promises to God that I still keep today and will always keep and strangely enough I was calmed by my prayer and my heart rate started to drop.  Just as they were warming up the paddles to jump start my heart when it failed, I began to get better.  If you don’t believe; there IS power in prayer.

            Meanwhile, back at the model….Claire had come back with her customers and walked right past the ambulance and up to the front door where one of my co-workers was standing and she said, “Is that Myka in there?”

            “Yes.” He said in a very concerned voice.  “It’s pretty serious.”

           

            “Oh my god!” she said pissed off.  “Does this mean that the model will be closed for the rest of the day and no one will be here to help me?”

            My co-worker couldn’t believe what he just heard and in an incredulous tone said, “Yes. That’s what that means.” and walked off. 

            Obviously I didn’t die.  I lived to write this book.  It turns out that the diet pills had built up in my system and had caused enough heart damage that I was really in trouble.  I stayed at the hospital until my heart rate went down but I was left with an irregular heartbeat that they said would not kill me but was not great, either.  I’m fine and have not had another near death experience since that day.  I have not seen Claire since that day either and I have thought long and hard about what I would say to her and I still don’t have it planned out, but I think it will start with a punch to the face and then I’ll drop her of on a street corner somewhere far, far way and ask her if this will be okay for her to walk home from here.  Is that wrong?

And Barkland Was His Name-O!

And Barkland Was His Name-O!

            One of the nicest men I had ever met was going to build a home with me.  He had a beautiful wife and the cutest little dog ever.  He had patiently waited about a year for some new lots to come open and he would get the first pick of the lots when they opened.  During that year, we had become good friends and were ready to get started on his new home when the time came.  He was also waiting on a new plan that I had told him we were going to unveil.  It was a huge single story plan and it was exactly everything that he had ever dreamed of.  He was so excited.  I was excited too because this was a great plan.  I was so emotional about it that as soon as I heard it was available, I called him.  Big mistake!

            I was very proud of what I was selling and the marketing department had really thought of some great names that were Texas themed names for all the other plans.  So I was expecting a really awesome name for a Texas sized single story plan.  They called me and told me that the name of the beautiful new plan was called (insert the drum-roll; dum, dum, dum…) “The Barkland.”  What?!  That is the dumbest name I’ve ever heard.  Who was the marketing genius that thought of that?  I was actually embarrassed to call my customer to tell him that his dream home is named “The Barkland”.  Here is how that face to face conversation went:

            “Mr. Collins!  I’m so glad you could come in to see the new plan.  I was so excited to call you about it being released to us.”  I said when he walked excitedly into my office.

            “Thank you for calling me.  We’ve only been waiting for this day for a year!  Well, let’s see it” he said, excitedly taking a seat in anticipation of the blueprints.

            “Okay, but I have to tell you something first.  I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out why they named this plan what they did.  It is the worst name I’ve ever heard for a house or anything for that matter!  I’m going to have to have a serious talk with our marketing team.  They really screwed this one up,” I snorted and laughed.

            “Oh my gosh!  I can’t even imagine.  What did they name it?” he said.

            “The Barkland” I said in a mocking sing song voice.  I instantly noticed a change on his face so I thought he was just sharing my disdain for the name as well.  “I know, right?  It’s horrible!  Barkland.  Barkland.  No matter how you say it, it’s stupid.”

            I laughed and realized that I was the only one laughing.  He had a majorly hacked off look on his face.  I said, “What is it?  What’s wrong?”

            “Barkland is my middle name.  Barkland was my father’s name, my grandfather’s name and his father’s name.  My dog’s name is Barkland as well.” He said.

            I paused for a second and because we had a great relationship and had known each other for so long, I thought he was kidding with me.  So I said, “Ha ha!” pointing at him, “Good one!  Well I guess this is the perfect house for you, Barkland!  If that IS your real name!” I laughed, thinking he was kidding.  Again, I was the only one laughing and had to awkwardly stop my laugh with an uncomfortable, “Ahhh.”

            “I think we’re done here.  I’m not going to build a home with someone who can be so insensitive.  Thank you for making fun of my heritage.  Have a nice day.” He said sarcastically and got up and started for the door.

            Being as quick on the draw as I am….yeah right…I started to apologize to him.  It took me a while to realize that he was serious and I had really hurt his feelings.  I never heard from him again and I sent cards, left emails and phone messages.  Me, unknowingly making fun of his name was enough for him not to want to build a home with me.  What are the flipping odds of his having the same stupid name as our new home?  I still think it’s a stupid name, but if I’d have known, I could’ve at least lied about it!   

I Hate Cotton Candy!

Cotton Candy

            Some buyers are not informed about the home construction process.  I know, it’s impossible to believe but it’s entirely true.  This is a short and sweet story about a young, single man who came to visit me about buying a home.  He had purchased a home before and one might think that maybe he had learned something through that purchase.  But obviously, we’re giving way too much credit where there is no credit due.  He was nice enough, but there was a little something off that I could never put my finger on.

           

            As we looked for homes, we got into a discussion about the construction workers in our homes.  Here is how that conversation went:

           

            “You know, this company is very proud of the construction teams that represent us.  We take a lot of pride in our work and welcome you out to the job site anytime to see our progress and to help you better understand the construction process”, I said, feeling pretty good about being able to sell him a home at this point.

           

            “I hope you’re right because I had a terrible experience with the last house that we had built,” he said with a deeply perplexed look on his face.  I could tell he was very troubled about this experience.

           

            “What happened if you don’t mind me asking?” I asked.

 My philosophy is to let them air out their grievances and then tell them how we can be different and help them feel better about it.

           

            “These dudes that worked on my house were so messy!  They left all kinds of crap behind.  The worst was that they left this horrible cotton candy looking stuff all in the attic.  I can’t even get around in there there’s so much cotton candy!” He said, obviously very upset.  “It’s so itchy!  I couldn’t stop scratching when I went up there.  Ya’ll won’t leave any cotton candy behind in this house will you?  Because if you do, I’m not buying here.  That stuff is so gross!”

           

            I wanted to die laughing so bad but I didn’t want to make him feel any less of a man from the question I was about to ask.

“Do you know what insulation looks like?” I asked.

           

            “No.  What’s insulation?” he said.

           

  I explained to the best of my ability what it was and why he needed it but he didn’t want any more cotton candy, so he left to find a builder that doesn’t use cotton candy.  Good luck!

Do Business On A Shoestring Budget

DO BUSINESS ON A SHOESTRING BUDGET!!

                Its summertime and the “getting’” has been pretty good!  But what happens when school starts and things start to wind down?  Are you funneling enough business your direction in the down time?

                I was led through an amazing activity by a Real Estate guru a few years ago.  He put a picture of a gorgeous cruise liner up on the screen and said, “This is now your boat.  How are you going to market and book travel so you can make a living with this new gift?” 

                Immediately, a million ideas floated through my head!  He told me to brainstorm for 30 minutes and think of ways to market my new cruise liner.  I named my ship, decided where it would sail to, what type of clientele I would market to and created dozens of ideas of how to get my ship seaworthy and full of paying clients in no time!  Of course this activity had a purpose…now I must use these same skills to boost my real estate career. 

                Just like owning a cruise liner, we all own our own unique, little company.   I was told to treat my real estate business as though it was my own and create marketing plans for myself that were unique, eye catching and “out-of-the-box.”  So why is that when we pretend we have been given an amazing gift, we can come up with ideas all day long and when it’s actually our own real estate career, sometimes we flounder in the water a little?  Or rely too heavily on outside factors that are beyond our control?

                The biggest part of your business should be self-generated.  Self generated means that you are in control of your destiny and using your own skills to bring in business.  I’d rather be in control than sitting around waiting for a random fish to swim my way!  Sometimes we get stagnant and need a little boost or some creative energy.  If you’re looking for a little boost, here it is!

                Take on a couple of these at a time and create a plan for yourself and you’ll start taking control of your own future, your own career and you’ll take pride in having the finest cruise liner on the seas!

Non-internet or online ideas

1.        Make sure your social sites are on your business card

2.       Sponsor a local event or fundraiser

3.       Create some swag like t-shirts, pens, notepads, etc

4.       Host and/or attend local meet-ups, committees, events

5.       Get a vanity license plate

6.       Get a door magnet for your car

7.       Proudly wear your nametag everywhere!

8.       Put a major focus on word of mouth- grocery store, nail salon, hair salon, bingo, carry your business cards and hand out everywhere you can

9.       Create and/or sponsor a local business resource guide

Email marketing

1.        Create a drip email campaign that focuses on your niche in the business and offer tips and advice. 

2.       Send a weekly or monthly newsletter that everyone begins to expect and look forward to reading

3.       Send animated birthday greeting to clients, friends and realtors you want a good relationship with

4.       Work with a local business to co-brand an offer

5.       Invite your sphere of influence to a local event

6.       Provide a guide to what’s happening in your community.  Events, appearances, shows, etc.

7.       Update people with rates, gardening tips, weather tips, energy saving tips, etc.  Always keep it positive!

Blog and/or website

1.        Create an e-book that requires log-in

2.       Create a video or podcast on specific topics that you are considered an expert in!

3.       Offer a Q and A form that’s via a contact information form

4.       Offer a free search

5.       Add your facebook to your site

6.       Host a local contest with prizes donated from local businesses

Facebook

1.        Make sure that you have a separate business account and a separate personal account.  This is imperative!

2.       Send daily birthday wishes

3.       Comment or “like” at least 5 posts per day

4.       Update your status once a day with fun and value.  Nothing personal on your business account!

5.       Create a page for your business.

6.       Post helpful and relevant resources.

7.       Leave friendly comments on your local business pages.  Never leave negative comments. 

8.       With written permission only from your clients, create a past client photo album with testimonials.  Remember, you cannot put anything about your clients online without their written permission!!!

CREATE URGENCY

OVERCOME BUYER RELUCTANCE

            I read an article recently that totally summed up the attitude and mindset of the majority of buyers right now.  The quote was this, “When they should have been afraid of paying too much, they weren’t. Now, when they shouldn’t be afraid of paying too much, they are.  It seems they are intent on finding ‘The Greatest Deal Ever’ and it causes them to miss out on the great deals that are possible.  Most believe that they can ‘time’ the market; thinking they have all the time in the world.”

            This rings so true with what we’ve all been seeing lately in this market where there are quite literally thousands of homes available in just this Central Texas area.  It becomes harder when our clients, customers and leads may not be listening to us, but instead to friends, family and co-workers who quite honestly do not know anything about what this market is truly about. 

           

            WE KNOW that this is the best market EVER to buy a home.  But do they?  How do we relay the sense of urgency to our buyers when they’re sitting back and waiting on a mythical castle, with a lake view, every amenity possible plus $0 down to fall on their doorstep for $89,000???  Here are some steps you can take that will take your customers from reluctant to ready!

           

            Remember this if you don’t remember anything:  “There are two ways to create urgency.  Fear of loss and anticipation of gain.”  Use these tips to get your clients moving.

1.      Display a Ready for Business Attitude.

Urgency begins before your customers ever walk through the office, walk up to one of your listings or simply call you.  Think about your office, is it a friendly entry with curb appeal, are the people friendly that your clients will meet?  Think about your listings.  Is your sign leaning or falling down?  Are your fliers old, tattered, weathered, or strewn around the front yard? Or simply no fliers at all?  How are you answering your phone?  Are you answering with enthusiasm and confidence?  Do your clients feel comfortable talking with you on the phone because you sound friendly?

Think about the message you are sending to your buyers if you’re not ready for business with the atmosphere of your office, your listings and how you answer and greet people on the phone.  You have to give people a reason to get out of their car and come in to your office, get out of the car and grab one of your fliers or continue to speak with you on the phone to tell you what’s most important to them about a home that they will buy with you.

2.      Motivate the Procrastinators!

Eliminate the confusion.  Keep it simple and make it fun!  Put your personality into it and have fun with your clients.  Don’t take them to see 15 listings.  Take them to see the top 5.  That way they are not overloaded and get frustrated and start to give up or slow down.  Bring something fun for the kids to do.  Get your clients involved even if it’s taking a few of their own notes on each listing page.

3.      Tap into their “Why”.

When they say what they want, ask why?  This is how you get the “anticipation of gain.”  If they feel like a house has everything they need and you solved the “why” behind the “what”, they will pull the trigger faster.  Remember, it is part of your fiduciary duty to remind them of what they want and need and why they are buying.  It’s their decision but it is YOU who help them overcome their fears.  If you know all the reasons why they need a home, you can summarize and remind them that this house has all the things they were asking you to help them find.

4.     Become the local expert and back it up with hard facts.

This could be the most important tip.  When people believe their friends and families about market myths and fallacies and reasons not to buy, YOU need to emerge with solid data.  Create a notebook with the latest articles from reputable sources about how great of a buyer’s market it is.  Include numbers here in Killeen to show what’s going on and what’s positive.  When they start to back up and say things like, “It’s just not the right time.  We’ve got time to think.  We’re just not ready now.”  That is when you pull out your notebook and let them look at the solid numbers and hard facts, in writing!  Since market expectations can be a powerful source of motivation, you should be the one setting those expectations and you should know as much as possible about your local market.

Tell a recent success story of yours.  It could be a recent closing, sale, listing that sold quickly, family that got the perfect home because they moved quickly and grabbed a new listing that popped up.  Your success makes them want to do business with you.

Finally, get people excited about making decisions.  When you get your clients excited about finding a perfect home, the urgency will be there.

Note:  If you would like a list of great articles, solid local numbers and facts, send me an email or give me a call.  I’ll give you a good list to start your Urgency Notebook that you’ll have ready for all your clients.

Written by:

Myka Allen-Johnson

Co-Owner/Realtor at StarPointe Realty

Myka Allen-Johnson

Co-Owner/Realtor

StarPointe Realty

512-585-3703

forsalebymyka@yahoo.com

Chickens and Goats and Kittens! Oh My!

Chickens and Goats and Kittens!  Oh My!

Recently, I took a nice young lady to see some property in a neighboring town with a population of about 1,200.  Small town; cute little area and very rural.  It was 107 degrees outside that day and it had been over 100 degrees for the last 60 days.  Showing homes was definitely not a fun event this particular summer.  I told my customer, Janis, to meet me at the home and the listing realtor would meet us there to open it up.  When we arrive, it’s only me and my client, Janis.  No listing realtor.

I call the listing realtor and he says, “Oh, I can’t go but the owner is going to open the door and give you a tour.”

“A tour?” I asked.  It’s a mobile home on 2 acres.  I’m sure we can figure it out!

“Yes.” The listing realtor continued.  “Oh and by the way…don’t look at what the lady has done to the house, just think about what it could be,” he said and hung up abruptly.

Uh oh.  That usually means that the place is in deplorable condition and if your client wants to spend a boat load of money, they can make it look habitable.  It’s like those listings with the roof caving in, water pooling in the middle of the floor from a slab leak,  the post mortem remains of a squatter that took his final nap in the bedroom, that the listing Realtor proudly announces that it’s, “As is.  A fixer-upper. Handyman special!”

There’s not enough “fixin’” in the world that can do what renting a bulldozer can!  But this house doesn’t look too bad on the outside.    If you look beyond the 12 terrifying scarecrows that are scattered around the yard (that aren’t guarding any sort of crop or vegetation and just look like a scary dead guy hanging from a stick), the weird gothic fountains with no water and piles of trash everywhere; you could see a little promise of a humble abode. 

                I step out of the car and at the same time, Janis steps out as well.  This is my first time to meet her so we exchange pleasantries.  I’ve learned a long time ago that one person’s nightmare home could be another person’s dream, so I say nothing of the Tim Burton movie-scape that is the front yard and we make our way to the front porch. 

                Just as we reach the rickety wood front porch with three barbeque pits on it, the door opens and out staggers a portly woman in her sixties or seventies wearing a tube top dress that the sun was shining straight through; allowing us a view of what God has so bountifully blessed her with.  I avert my eyes and look at her face in order to make eye contact and initiate a “hello” and a handshake. 

                I try not to act shocked when the lady in the tube dress has a full mustache and patchy scruff for a beard.  I silently curse hormones in my head and promise to put money aside for laser hair removal for eternity. 

                “Hello! Your realtor says you’re going to help us out today? I’m Myka.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s hotter’n hades out there.  Ya’ll come on in.  It’s not very clean but you can do whatever you want to it when you buy it.  My cat just runned away and I’m perty sad.  I hope she don’t run off with no pack of wild cats and never come back.” She started to get a little misty eyed and her voice broke.

                “I’m sorry.” I said, trying to break the silence and also to keep her from starting to cry.  “Maybe she went under the house.  She’ll come back.  I bet nobody loves her or feeds her like you.”

                “Why she runned off then you think?” she asked in a desperate tone with pleading eyes.

                “Oh. Who knows.  But she’ll be back.  Do you want to show us around or can we wander around ourselves?” I asked.

                At this point, I was trying to figure out what the musty smell was.  It was irritatingly sweet and sour at the same time.  I was stifling a gag.  Janis said absolutely nothing and was just staring at a wall in front of her. 

                “Pack’a wild dogs ate up my air conditioner. That’s why it’s so hot.  Ya’ll can look around if you’d like.  I ain’t got nothing to hide.” She said as she searched with her eyes out the window for her prodigal kitty.

                Janis was attached to my hip and we moved around like a two headed beast trying not to touch anything.  I started in the kitchen and look up above the cabinet and saw another scary sight that made me want to just go back out to the car and burn rubber on the way out of here.  It was a two foot statue of the grim reaper with several other little reapers around it.  I was so uncomfortable that I made a comment about it.

                “Oh look at that.  That’s different for a kitchen décor.” Oh gosh!  Why did I say that?  That’s great! Make her mad and she’ll put some weird voodoo scarecrow spell on me. 

                “Oh that’s my little friend.” She said, not even really paying attention to us. 

                There’s just enough room on the floor for us to go room to room in a conga line.  The master bedroom had carpet and there were urine stains all over the floor and an ammonia smell.  I was trying not to hurt this lady’s feeling by going in and out quickly but I was having a hard time keeping the contents of my stomach in my stomach. 

                Next we meandered to the guest rooms and the first one had a bunch of furniture stacked on top of each other up to the ceiling and about eighteen to twenty vacuum cleaners.  Again, I should have kept my mouth shut but I was just nervously talking at this point.  I said, “Oh wow.  Look at all these vacuum cleaners.  Why do you have so many?”

                She sighed and said, “Well…you seen them chickens out thar in the chicken coop? Before I had the money for a coop they used to stay in this room and I’d just vacuum up their mess every day.  I don’t know how to fix a vacuum so I just bought a new one every time one would clog up.”

                Well that’s a first!  Raising chickens inside the house.  Never seen that one until now.  I just acted like that was normal and continued the tour.  We finally finished inside and she started to show us the boundaries of the property.  I was just thanking God we were outside.  She had a few goats behind the fence and one of them came running up to the fence bleating with excitement upon seeing the owner of the home. 

                “Hey! Momma’s here!” she baby talked the little goat.  “You see that thar goat? I raised her from a little baby with a bottle right thar in my living room.  She lived with me for a year until she was strong enough to go outside on her own.  That’s my baby.”

                Oh for God’s sake!  Goats and chickens inside the house!  They didn’t even do that on Little House on the Prairie! I keep looking at Janis for any sort of emotion and she’s been silent the whole time.  I bet she’s mortified.  I am!

                We finish the tour as the owner loses interest in us and wanders off calling her lost kitty cat.  Janis and I walk over to the cars and I say, “Wow,” with a shocked look on my face.

                “I know.” Janis says.  “So should we make an offer today or make them wait a little?”

                Huh? I thought she was joking.  She wasn’t. 

                “I really like it.  Maybe we can get a good deal.  Let’s start low and see what happens.”

                I’m still in shock and waiting for her to bust out laughing and say, “Gotcha!”  No such luck. 

                “Okay.” I said slowly. “We’ll definitely want to get an inspector out here to make sure it’s a good investment.”

                “Yeah.  Good idea.  You call the inspector and we can go write up the contract.” She said excitedly.

                As I stared unbelievingly at a gothic scarecrow swaying in the breeze, I realized that it’s never my opinion that counts.  Everyone has their own dream home even if livestock was raised inside of it.  Even if the grim reaper watches over you while you do your dishes, and even if every kid in town is scared to tears by your front yard.  To each their own.  Long live the American dream!

Written by: 

Myka Allen-Johnson

Co-Owner/Realtor at StarPointe Realty