CREATE URGENCY

OVERCOME BUYER RELUCTANCE

            I read an article recently that totally summed up the attitude and mindset of the majority of buyers right now.  The quote was this, “When they should have been afraid of paying too much, they weren’t. Now, when they shouldn’t be afraid of paying too much, they are.  It seems they are intent on finding ‘The Greatest Deal Ever’ and it causes them to miss out on the great deals that are possible.  Most believe that they can ‘time’ the market; thinking they have all the time in the world.”

            This rings so true with what we’ve all been seeing lately in this market where there are quite literally thousands of homes available in just this Central Texas area.  It becomes harder when our clients, customers and leads may not be listening to us, but instead to friends, family and co-workers who quite honestly do not know anything about what this market is truly about. 

           

            WE KNOW that this is the best market EVER to buy a home.  But do they?  How do we relay the sense of urgency to our buyers when they’re sitting back and waiting on a mythical castle, with a lake view, every amenity possible plus $0 down to fall on their doorstep for $89,000???  Here are some steps you can take that will take your customers from reluctant to ready!

           

            Remember this if you don’t remember anything:  “There are two ways to create urgency.  Fear of loss and anticipation of gain.”  Use these tips to get your clients moving.

1.      Display a Ready for Business Attitude.

Urgency begins before your customers ever walk through the office, walk up to one of your listings or simply call you.  Think about your office, is it a friendly entry with curb appeal, are the people friendly that your clients will meet?  Think about your listings.  Is your sign leaning or falling down?  Are your fliers old, tattered, weathered, or strewn around the front yard? Or simply no fliers at all?  How are you answering your phone?  Are you answering with enthusiasm and confidence?  Do your clients feel comfortable talking with you on the phone because you sound friendly?

Think about the message you are sending to your buyers if you’re not ready for business with the atmosphere of your office, your listings and how you answer and greet people on the phone.  You have to give people a reason to get out of their car and come in to your office, get out of the car and grab one of your fliers or continue to speak with you on the phone to tell you what’s most important to them about a home that they will buy with you.

2.      Motivate the Procrastinators!

Eliminate the confusion.  Keep it simple and make it fun!  Put your personality into it and have fun with your clients.  Don’t take them to see 15 listings.  Take them to see the top 5.  That way they are not overloaded and get frustrated and start to give up or slow down.  Bring something fun for the kids to do.  Get your clients involved even if it’s taking a few of their own notes on each listing page.

3.      Tap into their “Why”.

When they say what they want, ask why?  This is how you get the “anticipation of gain.”  If they feel like a house has everything they need and you solved the “why” behind the “what”, they will pull the trigger faster.  Remember, it is part of your fiduciary duty to remind them of what they want and need and why they are buying.  It’s their decision but it is YOU who help them overcome their fears.  If you know all the reasons why they need a home, you can summarize and remind them that this house has all the things they were asking you to help them find.

4.     Become the local expert and back it up with hard facts.

This could be the most important tip.  When people believe their friends and families about market myths and fallacies and reasons not to buy, YOU need to emerge with solid data.  Create a notebook with the latest articles from reputable sources about how great of a buyer’s market it is.  Include numbers here in Killeen to show what’s going on and what’s positive.  When they start to back up and say things like, “It’s just not the right time.  We’ve got time to think.  We’re just not ready now.”  That is when you pull out your notebook and let them look at the solid numbers and hard facts, in writing!  Since market expectations can be a powerful source of motivation, you should be the one setting those expectations and you should know as much as possible about your local market.

Tell a recent success story of yours.  It could be a recent closing, sale, listing that sold quickly, family that got the perfect home because they moved quickly and grabbed a new listing that popped up.  Your success makes them want to do business with you.

Finally, get people excited about making decisions.  When you get your clients excited about finding a perfect home, the urgency will be there.

Note:  If you would like a list of great articles, solid local numbers and facts, send me an email or give me a call.  I’ll give you a good list to start your Urgency Notebook that you’ll have ready for all your clients.

Written by:

Myka Allen-Johnson

Co-Owner/Realtor at StarPointe Realty

Myka Allen-Johnson

Co-Owner/Realtor

StarPointe Realty

512-585-3703

forsalebymyka@yahoo.com

Chickens and Goats and Kittens! Oh My!

Chickens and Goats and Kittens!  Oh My!

Recently, I took a nice young lady to see some property in a neighboring town with a population of about 1,200.  Small town; cute little area and very rural.  It was 107 degrees outside that day and it had been over 100 degrees for the last 60 days.  Showing homes was definitely not a fun event this particular summer.  I told my customer, Janis, to meet me at the home and the listing realtor would meet us there to open it up.  When we arrive, it’s only me and my client, Janis.  No listing realtor.

I call the listing realtor and he says, “Oh, I can’t go but the owner is going to open the door and give you a tour.”

“A tour?” I asked.  It’s a mobile home on 2 acres.  I’m sure we can figure it out!

“Yes.” The listing realtor continued.  “Oh and by the way…don’t look at what the lady has done to the house, just think about what it could be,” he said and hung up abruptly.

Uh oh.  That usually means that the place is in deplorable condition and if your client wants to spend a boat load of money, they can make it look habitable.  It’s like those listings with the roof caving in, water pooling in the middle of the floor from a slab leak,  the post mortem remains of a squatter that took his final nap in the bedroom, that the listing Realtor proudly announces that it’s, “As is.  A fixer-upper. Handyman special!”

There’s not enough “fixin’” in the world that can do what renting a bulldozer can!  But this house doesn’t look too bad on the outside.    If you look beyond the 12 terrifying scarecrows that are scattered around the yard (that aren’t guarding any sort of crop or vegetation and just look like a scary dead guy hanging from a stick), the weird gothic fountains with no water and piles of trash everywhere; you could see a little promise of a humble abode. 

                I step out of the car and at the same time, Janis steps out as well.  This is my first time to meet her so we exchange pleasantries.  I’ve learned a long time ago that one person’s nightmare home could be another person’s dream, so I say nothing of the Tim Burton movie-scape that is the front yard and we make our way to the front porch. 

                Just as we reach the rickety wood front porch with three barbeque pits on it, the door opens and out staggers a portly woman in her sixties or seventies wearing a tube top dress that the sun was shining straight through; allowing us a view of what God has so bountifully blessed her with.  I avert my eyes and look at her face in order to make eye contact and initiate a “hello” and a handshake. 

                I try not to act shocked when the lady in the tube dress has a full mustache and patchy scruff for a beard.  I silently curse hormones in my head and promise to put money aside for laser hair removal for eternity. 

                “Hello! Your realtor says you’re going to help us out today? I’m Myka.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s hotter’n hades out there.  Ya’ll come on in.  It’s not very clean but you can do whatever you want to it when you buy it.  My cat just runned away and I’m perty sad.  I hope she don’t run off with no pack of wild cats and never come back.” She started to get a little misty eyed and her voice broke.

                “I’m sorry.” I said, trying to break the silence and also to keep her from starting to cry.  “Maybe she went under the house.  She’ll come back.  I bet nobody loves her or feeds her like you.”

                “Why she runned off then you think?” she asked in a desperate tone with pleading eyes.

                “Oh. Who knows.  But she’ll be back.  Do you want to show us around or can we wander around ourselves?” I asked.

                At this point, I was trying to figure out what the musty smell was.  It was irritatingly sweet and sour at the same time.  I was stifling a gag.  Janis said absolutely nothing and was just staring at a wall in front of her. 

                “Pack’a wild dogs ate up my air conditioner. That’s why it’s so hot.  Ya’ll can look around if you’d like.  I ain’t got nothing to hide.” She said as she searched with her eyes out the window for her prodigal kitty.

                Janis was attached to my hip and we moved around like a two headed beast trying not to touch anything.  I started in the kitchen and look up above the cabinet and saw another scary sight that made me want to just go back out to the car and burn rubber on the way out of here.  It was a two foot statue of the grim reaper with several other little reapers around it.  I was so uncomfortable that I made a comment about it.

                “Oh look at that.  That’s different for a kitchen décor.” Oh gosh!  Why did I say that?  That’s great! Make her mad and she’ll put some weird voodoo scarecrow spell on me. 

                “Oh that’s my little friend.” She said, not even really paying attention to us. 

                There’s just enough room on the floor for us to go room to room in a conga line.  The master bedroom had carpet and there were urine stains all over the floor and an ammonia smell.  I was trying not to hurt this lady’s feeling by going in and out quickly but I was having a hard time keeping the contents of my stomach in my stomach. 

                Next we meandered to the guest rooms and the first one had a bunch of furniture stacked on top of each other up to the ceiling and about eighteen to twenty vacuum cleaners.  Again, I should have kept my mouth shut but I was just nervously talking at this point.  I said, “Oh wow.  Look at all these vacuum cleaners.  Why do you have so many?”

                She sighed and said, “Well…you seen them chickens out thar in the chicken coop? Before I had the money for a coop they used to stay in this room and I’d just vacuum up their mess every day.  I don’t know how to fix a vacuum so I just bought a new one every time one would clog up.”

                Well that’s a first!  Raising chickens inside the house.  Never seen that one until now.  I just acted like that was normal and continued the tour.  We finally finished inside and she started to show us the boundaries of the property.  I was just thanking God we were outside.  She had a few goats behind the fence and one of them came running up to the fence bleating with excitement upon seeing the owner of the home. 

                “Hey! Momma’s here!” she baby talked the little goat.  “You see that thar goat? I raised her from a little baby with a bottle right thar in my living room.  She lived with me for a year until she was strong enough to go outside on her own.  That’s my baby.”

                Oh for God’s sake!  Goats and chickens inside the house!  They didn’t even do that on Little House on the Prairie! I keep looking at Janis for any sort of emotion and she’s been silent the whole time.  I bet she’s mortified.  I am!

                We finish the tour as the owner loses interest in us and wanders off calling her lost kitty cat.  Janis and I walk over to the cars and I say, “Wow,” with a shocked look on my face.

                “I know.” Janis says.  “So should we make an offer today or make them wait a little?”

                Huh? I thought she was joking.  She wasn’t. 

                “I really like it.  Maybe we can get a good deal.  Let’s start low and see what happens.”

                I’m still in shock and waiting for her to bust out laughing and say, “Gotcha!”  No such luck. 

                “Okay.” I said slowly. “We’ll definitely want to get an inspector out here to make sure it’s a good investment.”

                “Yeah.  Good idea.  You call the inspector and we can go write up the contract.” She said excitedly.

                As I stared unbelievingly at a gothic scarecrow swaying in the breeze, I realized that it’s never my opinion that counts.  Everyone has their own dream home even if livestock was raised inside of it.  Even if the grim reaper watches over you while you do your dishes, and even if every kid in town is scared to tears by your front yard.  To each their own.  Long live the American dream!

Written by: 

Myka Allen-Johnson

Co-Owner/Realtor at StarPointe Realty

And The Lord Spoke Unto My Customer...

And the Lord spoke unto my customers…

            I sold a home to a very interesting man who happened to be a local minister.  We’ll call him James.  James and I had a very good relationship.  My father is a Baptist minister and a Bible Professor, so I grew up in church and I am also a Christian.  So we had some long interesting conversations about growing up in a church and some funny experiences.  At times, he would get a little off on a limb and talk about some strange stuff.  So when he came in one day with one of the most outrageous request I’ve ever heard, I will never forget this as long as I live. 

            “Come on in James.  How are you today?” I asked.

            “I’m great, thanks, but I need to have a serious talk with you.” he said pointedly.

            This was different.  Usually when people said they need to have a serious conversation with me, something was wrong with their home or they were going to cancel their contract.  So I steadied myself for the impending bad news.

            “Talk to me James.  What’s bothering you?” I asked him, looking at him perplexed.

           

            “Well, you know that I talk to the Lord.  The Lord has been talking to me about this house and about your company” he says.

            I’m trying to figure out if he’s kidding or if he’s serious at this point.  Then he starts to wipe his brow and I realize that he’s completely serious.

            “God told me that your company has got plenty of money and that you need to give me some of it.  God says that I deserve to have some free stuff.” he stated matter of factly.

            We sat there in awkward silence staring at each other, while I tried to figure out what to say.  I had to handle this gently because he was very passionate about what the Lord told him.  So after about a minute of staring each other down, I said, “Well, you know that I speak to the Lord as well… and God told me that you ain’t getting jack.”

            After about five long seconds, we both just stared at each other and then just howled with laughter for at least 15 minutes. The Lord works in mysterious ways and sometimes you can’t always get what you want.  Thou shalt not covet thy new home builder’s money.

Old School ABC's of Closing. New Again!

A B C of Sales

“Always Be Closing”

The Old School is New Again

                “What do I need to do to get you into this beauty right here?”

                “Did you bring your checkbook today?”

                “Let’s light this candle!”

“The house you think about today, someone already thought about yesterday and will be deciding to take it today.  Let’s write it up!”

                “Take a chance!  You only live once!  This is a once in a lifetime deal!”

               

I dare say that we’ve heard all the greatest closing lines in the history of sales.  Every time I walk onto a car lot, into an insurance salesman, a time-share pitch or any other store front where you know you’re about to get assaulted with closing lines, I cringe.  Once you drop a cheesy line like any of the ones above, you may have lost a client.  They’ve been there; heard that, and suddenly you don’t stand out as the salesman they want to find that has their best interests at heart.  How can you “always be closing” without the customer thinking you’re always trying to close them?  How can we subtly bring our customers to the best decision? 

                Closing questions do not have to be about closing on the entire deal!  You should be asking subtle closing questions from the beginning; getting them so say “yes” along to way to gain what I like to call a “Yes Momentum”.  In order to gain your “Yes Momentum”, you need to have already asked your amazing open ended questions that allowed them to paint a picture of the home that they are looking for.  With those mental notes and handwritten notes that you have so dutifully taken in mind, when you go to view the handful of homes that fit their criteria, you’ll be able to start asking them small and subtle closing questions to gain your “Yes Momentum”.

                For instance, if you know they are looking for an open plan, large secondary bedrooms, an island kitchen with a breakfast bar because they entertain frequently, a large master bathroom with separate vanities and a flat backyard, I will assume you’ve already used the MLS to only take them to homes that fit these criteria.  If you didn’t, back it up and catch up on my earlier blogs.

                The closing questions that you need to ask are called “Trial Closes”.  They help you test the water and get several small yesses until you’ve got enough momentum to ask the big question.  Here are a few examples of what you can ask, given what we know about our buyers from above.

               

“This seems like the openness you were wanting, don’t you think?”

                “Does this feel open and airy to you?”

                “Check out these secondary rooms.  Very spacious don’t you think?”

                “I think you’re kids furniture will fit here, don’t you?”

                “This kitchen has the island, breakfast bar and great entertaining space that you need, right?”

                “Isn’t this kitchen made for entertaining?”

                “Doesn’t this master give you the space you’ve been needing?”

                “Oh these separate vanities will finally give your rightful space, don’t you think?”

                “Oh gosh!  I can just imagine the trampoline and the swing set here, can’t you?”

                These are just a few examples of how ordinary conversation can subtly turn into a continuous close by gaining a “Yes Momentum”.  If you’ve been getting enough positive feedback, you’ll feel confident to ask the big close question and to your buyer, it won’t seem out of place or awkward.  One of the toughest things for realtors is to ask the final close question.  Don’t take them around all day and look at 15 different houses until they buy or die.  Take them to a few, ask great trial closes, get the “Yes Momentum” and then summarize and go in for the kill!

                For example, in this scenario, it might go like this:

                Summarize:  “Mary, it seems like this home has all the things in it that you were looking for.  It’s got a beautiful open great room that you loved, a perfect entertaining kitchen, it has the space for your kids’ furniture and all their toys like you said you really needed, a place for you to relax with enough space in the master bedroom and bathroom to spread out, plus an amazing flat backyard that accommodates all your backyard needs.” 

Close:  “Since this seems like it has what you’ve been telling me are the most important things to you, why don’t we get the paperwork started?”

                They’ll either say, “Yes.”  Or they may have an obstacle to get over before making a decision.  In that case, you simply take a step back and ask, “What do you think is preventing you from making a decision now?”  Allow them the time to open up to you about what their thoughts and concerns are so that you can help them over that obstacle.  When they feel better about it, ask again.  Closing is easy when you’ve paved the way with trust, great questioning skills, trial closes and making sure that your clients know their best interests are your primary goal.

                So, you should Always Be Closing, but in a way that’s subtle and allows the client to feel like you’ve listened to their needs and know exactly what they want in a new home.  Gain the “Yes Momentum” and you’ll never be afraid to ask the BIG closing question again!

Written by:

Myka Allen-Johnson

Co-Owner/Realtor at StarPointe Realty

IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HEELS...

It’s all downhill from heels…

            Years of abuse to my knees and ankles while an athlete in high school and college has created eons of hilarious stories for me.  There are very few days in my life since I left college that I HAVEN’T turned my ankle or wrenched my knee.  It’s normal for me to fall at least once a day.  Not that I need to add this as a sales tactic to all the latest “sales help” books, but it seriously works!  Turn your ankle, get some empathy, build some rapport, and laugh hysterically at yourself and then your customers buy a home from someone who has provided a one of kind experience.  Here is the first of many of these one of a kind stories.

            It was a bright Texas day in May and I was feeling great about myself.  I had a new white pinstripe suit on with some new platform black heels.  (If I could interject ominous, impending doom music here, I would.  Heels = big trouble.)  I was meeting my customers and our construction manager on site at their home.  This particular home was built at the top of a small hill but with a very steep slope.  I made it up the hill fine, had a great meeting with my customers.  They left and I stayed to speak with the construction manager for awhile and then I left to go back to the office.  As I walked out of the house, looking fabulous in my pinstripe suite, holding my clipboard, maneuvering through the debris on the site to get to my car, I was feeling pretty good about myself.  I’m being extra careful because it is a very steep hill with nothing but dirt and rocks on the way down. I make the mistake of looking at my notes on my clipboard as I walk and my heel catches a rock and I turn my ankle.  Here’s the slow motion play by play:

            My ankle completely turns and my foot comes unhinged from my leg and makes a sound like a wet two by four breaking in two. 

           

            I scream out in pain and launch myself forward and down the hill.

           

            I hit the ground chest and face first which knocks the breath out of me.

           

            I roll up in a ball because my ankle is radiating pain the likes that I’ve never felt.

           

            Being that I am now in a ball, I have become more aerodynamic and begin to roll down the hill in the dirt and the rocks in my beautiful new white pinstripe suit.

           

            Since the hill is about a forty degree angle, I finally come to a stop after three and half rolls down the hill. 

           

            Grabbing my ankle, I get a chance to really assess my situation and feel the horrible pain from my throbbing foot. 

           

            I begin to cry and I’m completely covered in dirt from my triple lutz roll down the hill; so my tears have created mud streams down my face. 

            Trying to get up, I put a little weight on my foot, hit the ground again and just wail and cry in the fetal position. 

           

            Papers are flying everywhere, I’m covered in dirt with mud streams running down my face and I’m lying on the ground propping my self up with one elbow wailing in pain. 

           

            Two homeowners drive right by me and honk and wave really big as if this is a normal everyday occurrence.  “There’s that crazy Myka, she’s at it again.  Honk honey!”

           

            My construction manager runs out and asks what happened.  I can’t talk because of the pain.

           

            He tried to help me up.  He weighs 100 pounds.  I weigh…uh… more.  He pulls me up, we BOTH fall down again.

           

            So I crawled to my car and get in and cry a cry of embarrassment for another 5 minutes and vow to call Jenny Craig. 

           

            I drive using my left foot (good foot) on the pedals down to the office, hobble into my office chair and my sales partners begin buzzing around getting ice packs, snacks, water, cigarettes.  You know, everything you’d need to survive an ankle turn.

           

            My sales manager gets wind of the fact that I’ve been injured on the job. He’s a great manager but since I could probably sue the company, he’s not very friendly today.

           

            I tell him what happens, he looks at my ankle and says, “You’ve got 2 minutes to figure out if you want to go to the hospital or not.”  And then he walks off and starts to talk on his cell phone.

           

            I said, “I think I’ll be fine but look how swollen it is!”   He comes back over, looks at the swollen, purple and green ankle, looks at my good ankle and says, “I can’t tell the difference” and walks off.  This was an obvious jab at my size.  He was about 95 pounds himself.  This was the same manager who told the entire sales team during a sales meeting that our goal for the next week was to spend 10 minutes on a treadmill per day that we were all getting fat.  He’s sweet.

           

            Long story short, I didn’t sue the company, my ankle was only turned and I recovered, we hired a larger construction manager for my subdivision, the cleaner got my dirt stains out of my beautiful new pinstripe suit and I went on a diet. 

Buyers are NOT liars! You need to listen with your EYES!

 

 

 

BUYERS ARE NOT LIARS! YOU’RE NOT LISTENING WITH YOUR EYES!

 

                There is an old adage that “Buyers are liars”.  I hear it all the time when Realtors talk about a particular buyer who told them one thing and then went and did something completely different.  Why do they do that?  What AREN’T we getting?

                The answer is body language or non-verbal communication.  All of us have the belief that good communication is key to a great friendship, marriage and professional partnership.  If I was to ask you how you communicated to everyone you meet on a daily basis, you would most likely say that it is through verbal communication or talking.  That would make sense.  I will challenge that today; and tell you that what you DON’T say is far more important that what you DO say.

                A few years ago, UCLA did a study to find out what percentage of communication is through verbal communication, body language and tone of voice.  What they found was absolutely astonishing.  Only 7% of what we say is communicated through words or verbally.   Tone of voice came in second with 38% of communication.  Body language communicated 55% of what we say every day!  Over half of what we say is communicated without words!  With body language and tone of voice together, 93% of our communication is absolutely non-verbal. 

                When I found this out, I was shocked and wanted to know what my body language was saying to my buyers and prospective clients.  So I asked a friend to video me as I had a conversation with a co-worker in a model home.   I found out that I rock back and forth from foot to foot which made it seem like I was wanting them to hurry up and get on with the story.  It shows impatience.  I had to make that the goal of every conversation from then on and focus a good part of my energy on standing still.

                Your buyers and sellers will tell you everything if you’re listening with ears and eyes.  For example, a customer walks in to an open house with arms folded and the corners of his mouth are down.  You’re talking about whether or not he likes the home.  He SAYS he likes it, but his body language is closed off and negative which means there’s something wrong or he’s definitely not into it. 

                So what do you do?  Take their word for it? No.  Ask questions about their body language.  For instance you might say, “You’re saying yes, but it seems like you’re worried about something.  What are you thinking about?”

                Allow them to open up about their negative body language.  You will also need to learn how to view frustration in your clients’ non-verbal communication.  If they get fidgety or lose eye contact with you, stop what you’re doing and ask them a question.  A good one that gest them to open up is, “What are some of your thoughts or concerns?”

                Here are some tips to help you begin communicating better with your clients concerning your own body language and also being aware of theirs. 

1.        Pay more attention to their body language.  Make it a point to see if they’re open or closed off.  If they’re closed, stop and ask a question about their non-verbal communication.

 

2.        Pay more attention to your body language.  If you’re standing with your arms folded, fidgeting, frowning, shaking your head or not making eye contact, you need to know.  Ask a good friend or colleague to observe you and see what you need to work on.

 

3.       Think about your tone of voice.  If you’re happy then you need to make sure your voice sounds animated.  If you are showing empathy for someone, then you need to lower your tone and make sure they understand that you genuinely care. 

 

4.       Make good eye contact.  My father is a Baptist preacher and he always told me not to trust anyone that doesn’t look you in the eye!  They have something to hide!  In very few cultural situations will you need to not think anything about limited eye contact.  But for you as a trusted advisor/Realtor; YOU need to make sure you let everyone know that you can be trusted and look people square in the eye.

 

I will leave you with a couple of quotes from gentlemen that were legendary in understanding humans and human nature.  Remember, buyers are NOT liars…sometimes they’re just telling you things you can’t hear!  You have to see it.

                “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

“Behavior in the human being is sometimes a defense, a way of concealing motives and thoughts, as language can be a way of hiding your thoughts and preventing communication.”

                                                                           Abraham Maslow

Written by:

Myka Allen-Johnson

Owner/Realtor at StarPointe Realty

Paranormal Appraiser

(Names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

“Come in Mr. Appraiser….can you read me?”

            It was a gloomy, rainy day in Killeen, Texas and I had already fielded two appraisers that needed information when a third appraiser came to my office doorway during a meeting I was having with my construction superintendents.  He was one of my favorite appraisers because he was a rancher and extremely friendly and we always liked to see him appraise homes because he liked us too. We could always count on his appraisals to be right on cue. This day, he felt like sticking around and talking with me and my co-workers.  His name was Bob Campbell. 

           

            I think today is the day that Bob Campbell lost it a little.  I had remembered that the last time Bob came in was over a month ago and he had said that he had been struck by lightning while he was baling hay on his ranch in the country so he wasn’t walking very well.  That day I had been very busy and I asked if he was okay, in passing, and he said, “Yes”, but he was still really sore.  I remembered thinking how strange that was and how awful that would be because I’ve been about 15 feet from being struck by a bolt of lighting and I couldn’t hear for a week, had headaches and generally felt awful for a long time afterward. 

            Knowing that obviously, by him leaning against the doorframe of my office door, he wanted to chit chat for a while, I obliged him much to the disdain of my co-workers.  Although, now, they’re glad that I started talking to him because they got to experience one of the weirdest conversations I’ve ever had with anyone in my entire life.  So it all began like this:

            “Well how are you doing today, Bob?” I asked cheerfully.

            “Well….I’m a little leery about being out in this rain today.” He said.

            “Oh that’s right!  You said you had gotten struck by lightning last time you were in!  I bet you’re not feeling too well about that.  How are you feeling?” I asked.

            “I’m a little nervous about my ankle getting struck by lightning again.  I think that I was transmitting from it the day that I got struck.  Or they were transmitting to me,” he said and started looking down at his ankle and moving it around like he was stretching it out.

            What?  I just stared at him, looked at the construction guys in front of me (which can’t be seen by Bob) who were wide eyed with shock. I was looking from Bob to them, from Bob to them and then finally after enough awkward silence, I decided to make one of my famous comments to break the silence.  I truly thought he was pulling our chain.  Transmitting?  What in the world is he talking about?

            “Ummm…Bob.  Do...you…mean…’transmitting’ as in, the ‘aliens’ were talking to you?” I said in a totally funny and condescending way.  The guys cracked up a little and I chuckled a little bit waiting for the punch line of this joke.

            “No, not the aliens.  The military.” He said without skipping a beat. 

            I just sat there and again looked back at the construction guys, one of them was staring ahead with his mouth gaping open and the other was chewing on a Styrofoam cup and trying not to laugh out loud.  There were tears coming out of his eyes and dropping down his cheeks.  So I decided I couldn’t look at the guys anymore because my face suddenly hurt from needing to laugh.  I took the bait.

            “Bob, what do you mean the military was transmitting to you?” I asked slowly and quizzically because I still thought this could still be a joke.  Then, the madness began.  He began to tell a story that could be the plot line for the next X-files movie. 

            “Back in ’68 the military put a transmitter in my ankle.  They realized that I had the ability to see into the future.” He stated matter of factly.

            At this moment, one of the construction guys left to go laugh in the hallway and the other one was still chomping down on his cup and rocking back and forth, red-faced and trying not to make a sound.

            He continued, “See, I’m part Cherokee Indian, so I naturally have the propensity to anticipate things.  You should have seen me when I was playing football in high school!  I could anticipate what the defense and the quarterback would do and be able to stop any play they did.  My coach would always say, “How did you know they were gonna do that?” And I always just said I didn’t know.  I just felt it.  So I wanted to know just how good I could see into the future and predict things, so I took this test that 12,000 Cherokee Indians took and I scored the second highest score out of all of them.  That’s how well I can anticipate the future.”

            I couldn’t help it.  I had to ask the next question, “Bob...um…are they transmitting to you now?”

            Slowly and mystically he said, “I...don’t…know.”

            Not being able to hold things in any longer, Darrell, the construction guy that had been chomping on a cup decided to test his anticipation skills theory and yelled, “BOO!” Then looked at Bob and said, “Did you anticipate that?” and then he absolutely fell off his chair laughing.  It was ridiculous because this was his chance to let everything out that he had been holding in and it was my chance too.  So I started dying laughing and crying.  I had tears streaming down my face.  Bob smiled but he was a man on a mission.  He continued his story, even though Darrell was now looking at me and putting his foot close to mouth and pretending he was talking on the phone through his ankle.  I can’t tell you how hard it was not to laugh.

            “So now, the government knew how well I could anticipate things and predict the future.  The thing is, is that the transmitter in my ankle reads my subconscious thoughts.  So I don’t even know when I’m helping people.  My subconscious knows when anyone around the world is in trouble and the government is able to hear my subconscious thoughts through the transmitter and they can make a call and save the people that would have been about to die.  Only bad thing is, they put this thing in my leg six months shy of being able to predict my brother being killed.”

            Okay.  Here it was.  Proof that Bob was having a bad flashback episode or some sort of post traumatic stress.  I started to feel really bad for him at this point and I asked if his wife knew about all of this and how she felt about the government being able to track him everywhere he went.  I basically wanted to see if there was someone I could call who could come and help him if he flipped out here. 

            “Oh no!  My wife doesn’t even know about the transmitter!” he stated emphatically.

            “What?”  Darrell asked.  “You mean, we’re the only people who know about this?  Is the government listening and going to kill us for knowing?” he asked, still trying to get him to talk more about it because he was having fun and at this time, recording the conversation with his phone because he knew no one would believe it.

            I started trying to ask Bob questions that might bring him out of this state but he kept on going and he truly believed this stuff.  Part of me believes that something like this is possible but yet so out of this world unbelievable.  So, I asked him, “Bob, if they’re still using your thoughts to help people, that doesn’t seem fair.  How are they going to pay you?”

            “That’s a good question and when I was laying in bed recuperating from being struck by lightening, I asked the “powers that be” if my ankle was still transmitting after the lightning strike and they told me it was.  So then I asked them how I would get paid for all of the lives that I’ve saved since 1968 and they said that when I reached 65, I’m 62 now, that they will count up all the lives I’ve helped save all over the world by being able to read my subconscious thoughts and they’ll pay me that way.”

            Darrell and I just stared at each other and finally he had to leave.  He couldn’t hold it in any longer and I heard him explode in laughter out the back door.  I was in shock and trying to figure out if Bob was okay to go back out into the real world.  I didn’t even know what to say to him anymore.  He stated everything so matter of factly and he truly believed all of that mess.  I was in a daze.  Is this conversation really happening?  I was trying to make sense of it all and say something to him that was rooted in the real world.  So I said, “You better get on home and be safe and out of this weather.  We don’t want you to get struck by lightning again.”

            He said, “It would be the third time if I did.  I was already struck by lightning once when I was about three years old.  I was playing under front porch and lightning struck the house, knocked me out and mama found me later and woke me up.  No sir.  I don’t want to get struck by that again.  Of course, one of these strikes may stop it from transmitting.  I don’t want to get struck again though.  Thirty days in the hospital is a long time and they had to take my blood every twenty minutes to make sure I had enough medicine in me.”

            Not wanting to go any further with this, I told him that I needed to get to an appointment with a customer at their house and that he needed to go home and rest.  He agreed and walked out the door and said, “Maybe I’m helping somebody right now.  Never know.  Have a good day!”  And he left.

            I just stood there, limp.  Darrell came back in and sat down and we stared at each other with gaping mouths for a good minute until my sales partner came in from being with a customer and he sat down and looked at both of us.  I couldn’t talk and the only thing Darrell could say was, “Dude!  Dude!  Dude!” 

            We finally were able to talk and told my sales partner that he had just missed the weirdest conversation ever and there were still about 4 more hours in the work day to go.  I couldn’t do anything but stare into space.  I was so in shock and kept thinking about everything he said.  I wrote every detail down with Darrell helping me recall things.  I had my sales partner take all the customers while I got over the shock of it all.  As I write this, that was only two days ago.  I hope that I’ll be able to write a follow-up chapter and let you all know what happens when I see Bob again.  The weird thing is, Bob probably already knows that I’m writing a chapter about him.