GOD Has Told Me EVERY Move to Make in My Career. REALLY!

HOW DID I KNOW THAT REAL ESTATE WAS WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO NEARLY 20 YEARS AGO?

     I prayed.  I was still.  I listened and God spoke and showed me the way and the sign...LITERALLY!

   Almost 20 years ago, I was a high school Spanish teacher and volleyball coach.  You see, I knew at an early age that I was going to be a teacher.  Of that, I had no doubt.  I never dreamed of the route God would take me to get to where I needed to be right now!

     It was a rainy day in Rowlett, Texas 18 years ago.  I had started my normal morning routine with my Spanish I class that mainly consisted of high school freshmen and sophomores.  I know...joy! After about 10 long minutes of saying, "Stop doing that! Be quiet! Leave her alone! Put that down! Sit down! Stop talking! Shhhhh!", an epiphany just hit me. 

     I sat down at my desk.  Not one soul noticed I wasn't teaching and every student was just chatting away.  I began writing my letter of resignation to my school.  The entire 45 minutes went by without anyone saying anything!  No one said, "Mrs. Allen, what's up?  Why aren't you teaching? Are you ok?"  They just sat there and talked and left when the bell rang.  

     It wasn't just this one day that did it.  It had been every day for the last four years up to that day that had done it.  I have had my hair torn out of my head, my thumb broken and my clothes torn from breaking up daily fights in hallways and at lunch.  I had even had my life and my dogs' life threatened.  On that one, I went to speak directly to the parents and told them their son had threatened my life and my dogs life.  I said, "Your son told me he was going to shoot me and my dog today."  

     I'll never forget this...the father threw his head back and laughed heartily and said, "He won't shoot you! We took his gun away from him yesterday."  

    ( Let me add here that teachers are completely underpaid for what they do everyday! I idolize the chosen few that are called to be a teachers.  They are absolute heroes!)

     So you see, it's been a process.  But this particular rainy day, I was listening to my inner voice and I was done.  I had never been more done with anything in my entire life.  I had never been so sure and suddenly, I had never been happier! I skipped down to the principals office and turned in my letter of resignation.  My last two weeks of school were the happiest I had ever had.  The only reason I can tell you is that there was hope.  I hadn't realized that I had been feeling so hopeless and trapped for the last four years.  

     I love to teach!  But something wasn't right with where I was.  So weeks before that, I had started praying for God to reveal what I couldn't see.  That was my future.  I didn't know that God was truly going to reveal to me a sign in the most literal of fashions!  Oh how He works!  

     When you're a teacher, you get paid the same as the teacher across the hall that has the same amount of years experience.  If you love to teach, which I did, you spend ALL your time creating, writing and providing an experience for your students so they can learn in the most meaningful way possible and so you'll make an absolute difference in this world.  Or...you could be like the teacher across the hallway who hands out worksheets everyday and turns on a movie on Fridays.  When all is said and done...you get paid the same!  

     I kept thinking how unfair this was!  What could I do about it?  Well, I stopped worrying and had my epiphany that fateful day and resigned.  What now though?  Oh my goodness.  There were no jobs lined up.  Nothing on the horizon for me.  I've always wanted to teach but had never been more certain about anything else in my life that this was not how it should be.  I wasn't going to be getting a paycheck next month! What do I do?

     So I did what I had been doing for weeks.  I prayed.  I left school that cold rainy day and drove around the city.  As I was driving, I prayed.  I asked God to show me the way. Show me what I needed to do.  Show me where I needed to go.  Give me a sign.  Any sign.  And then it happened.  A single ray of sunlight shone out of the sky and onto a 2 foot by 2 foot sign in front of me.  I had probably passed that sign twice a day every day for years.  But today, a single ray of sunshine was shining directly on it and it said, "Get your real estate license here."

     With a tear and my eye and a quick point up to heaven to thank God for this "sign" I put my blinker on and turned right into the brokerage advertising classes, stopped the car, didn't hesitate to get out and walk right in.  The broker was standing at the front desk and asked if she could help me.  I smiled and happily and confidently said, "I was told to come here.  I DO want to get my license."

     As they say, "The Rest Is History!"  Since then, I've been top listing agent, joined a builder team and racked up top sales, been plucked from sales to be a Fortune 500 National Sales Trainer, a national sales consultant, a brokerage owner, a published author and now... my own Real Estate School. Teaching!  Can you believe it?  I'm living my dream job! In every single change of jobs, God lead me there.  Sometimes He spoke through a feeling, through a sign, through other people and in one instance (for another blog post) through a still small voice.  But He spoke and He still speaks.  He is speaking today, we're just too busy to listen.

     If you are struggling about where you are in life...pray.  Be still.  Listen.   God will speak.  It may be TOTALLY off the rails where He wants you to go, but I can tell you the destination will be absolutely awesome! 

     If you are feeling led into Real Estate, you can allow me to help you.  My new school, The Real Estate Business School of Salado not only helps you get your license, we help you learn how to use it.  I teach my students what I had to learn through trial, error and embarrassment.  You'll get the knowledge I never got so you be confident and successful right off the bat! Be blessed in whatever it is you do and make sure it is your calling.  If it is, you'll love it.  If it is not, pray. 

Click HERE to see if Real Estate is YOUR calling!

     

Written by:  Myka AllenJohnson 

myka@trebssalado.com

When Your Seller Says at Closing...”You didn’t get paid enough!”

When Your Seller Says at Closing...”You didn’t get paid enough!”

                “Things no seller has EVER said for $1000, Alex!”

Wishful thinking in a world of people trying to get the most bang for their buck?  Is this something said in a fantasy world that agents wished they lived in?  The answer is, “No”.  Sellers have really said this many, many times. 

I’ve heard so many agents say that they only like to work with buyers because they’re so happy when they get a new home.  But sellers... oh man! Sellers are never happy!  Sellers are too much work.  They’re high maintenance.

                “My seller thinks I’m not doing anything.”

                “My seller thinks I should cut my commission because all I’m doing is putting a sign in the                    yard.”

                “My seller calls me all the time, mad, because I haven’t showed their home yet, myself.”

                “I wish my seller would stop asking me why there are no showings!”

    “My seller never stops telling me that his “zestimate” is higher than our marketing price.”

     (Ugh.  Don’t get me started.)

   “My seller says he want s to switch to an agent that will list for more and take less                commission.”

                Have you ever said any of these things?  Of course you have!  We all have.  The seller is paying you a commission to market the home, bring him a buyer and sell and close it.  Every day that a buyer doesn’t present himself or herself is another day of frustration for the seller and another day that silently, he blames his agent.  You may eventually get a buyer, negotiate a deal and close but many times, the seller is left with a bad taste in his mouth.  He feels there are things that could have gone smoother, faster, better, you name it! Sometimes it’s painful for him to see how much money the agent has received when he felt like things could’ve gone differently. 

                So how do we as agents come together to help our sellers see value?  How do we help them see how much we really do behind the scenes to get their home sold?  How do we get to that world where sellers look at their closing statement and say, “You didn’t get paid enough?” 

I have a few simple tools for you to take away with you today that can change your listing career forever if you’ll follow them.  These are tried, tested and true and I have heard my sellers say this many times and it’s music to my ears.  A happy seller creates more referrals and referrals give you longevity in the real estate business.  The majority of your business should come from referrals.  Leads that you or your broker pay for should just be the gravy on top of the meat and potatoes!  If the majority of your business is NOT referrals, you are NOT growing your richest resource and that is your happy, closed clients. 

Change Your Listing Life Tools

1.        Ask your new listing clients what their expectations are.  Before you sit down at that table at your listing appointment and start telling the owner how great you are; find out what their expectations are.  Here are some good questions to ask:

a.       What are you expectations for the agent that you hire to market your home?

b.      What have your experiences been in the past?

c.       What are your major concerns about selling your home?

d.      What do you know about the market in your neighborhood?

The reason that you ask these questions before you start your presentation is so that you can tailor your presentation based on what is important to your new clients.  (Go ahead and read that again a couple of times.)  You will take notes based on their answers.  Taking notes lets them know you care.

You ask me, but Myka, why would I make them talk about negative things that have happened to them before?   Why would I ask THEM what THEY know about the MARKET?

You ask them so you can find out what you’re up against.  You ask them so that you can make it better.  You are the Real Estate Doctor.  Prescribing a solution to a problem you know nothing about is real estate malpractice. 

                  You cannot diagnose their condition or prescribe a solution until you know what their concerns/issues are. 

For example, you ask these questions and find out that they are expecting multiple offers in a market that doesn’t support that.  They had a bad experience before with an agent that never called them and never kept them in the loop and they felt lost.  They are concerned about paying a full commission because they think they still owe too much and their best friend said to ask for a reduction in commission to help their bottom line.  Their best friend down the street also told them that his home sold for $250,000 when it actually sold for $235,000. 

Now...you have all this valuable information.  You can now present your listing presentation and tailor it to make sure everything that you do takes care of their needs and concerns.  You touch on every concern and make sure what you do to sell their home is the answer they have been looking for. 

Your listing presentation will include several examples of homes staying on the market for awhile and that multiple offers is not what is happening in our market now.  You will reassure them that your weekly update calls will let them know what’s going on in the market around them will help them stay in the loop and you’ll send them an email of what has gone under contract and sold so they see how their home stacks up to what’s selling around them.  You list all the things you do for them during the listing and break down the commission letting them know you are working nonstop to get their home sold and your value is undeniable.  And you can gently let them know that their neighbor’s home is actually a comparable for theirs and it actually sold for $235,000. 

Suddenly, you emerge as the hero!  You have diagnosed their issues and prescribed the perfect solution.  YOU!  You’ve successfully avoided the trap many agents fall into by presenting first and telling how great you are and then back peddling when the objections arise and you’ve already given them all the apples out of your basket.  Being on the defensive is not an attractive look for agents.  You want to be pro-active by asking what their concerns are in the beginning.  You are the Real Estate Doctor.  You would never go to your own Doctor, tell him a few things that are wrong with you and let him wheel you directly into open heart surgery!  Malpractice! You run tests and ask questions to find out the issues and THEN prescribe a solution.

2.        Continuously Build Rapport From Beginning To Infinity.  If you don’t genuinely care about your clients’ best interest then you are in the wrong business.  Your clients need to know that you care and that they can trust you.  If there is no rapport in your relationship with your clients, then you will not gain referrals after the sale.  Relationship building is the keystone on which your business is built. (Go ahead and read that again.) 

“You mean it’s not how much I spend on leads?  You mean it’s not how well my assistant sends out mass mailings?”

Your clients should know that you genuinely care.  You should know their children’s names, funny stories, sad stories, how work is going, how tee ball is going and what their pet’s names are.  I’m not saying you have to invite them over for Monday night football, but the time you spend with them needs to be valuable. 

Everyone’s favorite subject is themselves.  Let them tell you about themselves and their family.  Take notes, so you can ask them about those things at later meetings, throughout the transaction and beyond.  These happy clients will be your richest source of referrals in years to come because you care about them. 

Mass mailings, newsletters, mass emails and texts are good and effective.  But nothing makes people love you more than something personal every once in a while.  A call, voicemail, genuine text or email just to tell them you were thinking of them and hoped they were well. 

Your clients will soon be saying:

“You have to use (insert your name here) as an agent!  She still calls every once in awhile just to see how we’re doing.   She’s amazing!  You’ll love her!”

3.        If You’re Not Telling Them What You’re Doing, You’re Not Doing ANYTHING!  

          The biggest complaint I hear from sellers is that they never hear anything from their agent unless there is a showing or they want to lower the price.  Ladies and gentlemen, this does not build value in your seller’s eyes. 

Set up a day and timeframe that you will call all of your sellers and give them an update even if there’s not an update to give.  (Go ahead and read that again.) 

Why should you do this even if there’s nothing going on?  Because it builds rapport and trust and they don’t wonder as much what you’re doing behind the scenes.  This is your chance to tell them that you are currently sending out mass emails to agents to put their home in front of their faces, talking to agents at events about their home, pushing it on the online platform, you’re researching what has gone under contract and will send them that list so they can see how their home stacks up to what’s recently been sold... anything and everything you’re doing.

By simply doing this, you reassure them they’ve gone with the right agent.  You’re showing character by doing what you said you would do when you first met them at your listing presentation.  You’re showing competence by constantly researching the market to ensure they’re priced correctly.  You’re providing them with confidence that they have chosen the right REALTOR®.  You are showing your genuine conviction for the love of your job.  You are letting them know that you are behind the scenes constantly working on their behalf.  You answer their questions and reduce those midnight texts and emails where they’re wondering what is going on.  You are building your worth; your value. 

Don’t ever sell yourself short.  Don’t cut your commission.  You are worth every penny and your sellers will say that too if you will abide by these 3 simple rules. 

                The single best compliment I ever received was from a seller who had to bring money to the table to be able to close on their home.  We worked together so hard to make the deal work and after setting the right expectations for them, building a beautiful working relationship filled with genuine rapport and keeping them informed throughout the entire process, at the end, my seller said, “You didn’t get paid enough.  Can we fix this here?  You deserve more.”

                I said, “That’s my job.  I’m so glad you’re happy.  Just tell everyone you know about me.”

                And they did. 

Written by:

Myka AllenJohnson

LIC TX REALTOR® StarPointe Realty

Owner / The Real Estate Business School of Salado

Published Author: Tales From Sales: Outrageous, Hilarious and True Stories From Home Sales

Stranger Than Fiction

I'm so honored that Meg White of Realtor Magazine would review my book, Tales From Sales!  Click on the link to view her review!  I'm on cloud 9! Thank you, Meg!

Stranger Than Fiction

How To Change a Work-A-Holic Realtor

                                           How To Change a Work-A-Holic Realtor
                                           (It Includes Thai Food and an Ambulance)

     Last Friday afternoon, my entire office personnel and my husband went to eat at our favorite Thai Food restaurant. It was like any other normal day, except I wasn't leaving in my husbands truck. I was leaving in the back of an ambulance.

      This is for all of you work-a-holic Realtors out there and for anyone in any position where you just can't stop working. Stop. Take a break. This is my first time for this to happen and hopefully the last time as I have had to change my entire work schedule and how I do things entirely. We had paid our bill and were just talking about our responsibilities for the remainder of the day which were quite hefty. We are blessed with a busy brokerage. Suddenly the top of my head went numb. Then my face went numb and inside my head felt like someone had just plugged me in and it was electrically humming! Then the numbness went down my neck into my chest and arms then into my hands. I started feeling heavy like I couldn't hold myself up and keep my eyes open. My husband immediately called 911 as he is a Firefighter and Emergency Medical Technician. He knew I was about to go out.

     My co-workers immediately saw my color change, I slumped in my chair and my speech was slurred. One of my co-workers pulled my hair up using a chopstick. I didn't even know it at the time, I couldn't feel my head. By the time the ambulance got there, I didn't even know what was going on. Only during the ambulance ride to the hospital did I start to realize what was happening. It happened twice more at the hospital and it was a very scary feeling like I was about to lose consciousness. I couldn't shake the dizziness, nausea and numbness. They tested me for a stroke, heart attack, did a CT scan and every other test you can run. They kept me overnight to observe me to find out why this wasn't stopping or why I wasn't feeling any better. My vitals were normal and all my tests came out normal. I am perfectly healthy. So now is where I get the lesson of a lifetime.

     The Doctor came in and asked what my work week was like. Before I could even start talking, my phone started ringing, buzzing, and dinging with multiple texts and emails from clients and other business related issues. He asked if it was always like this. I said, "Yes. It's the life of a Realtor." He said, "No. That's where you're wrong. That's the life of a dead Realtor."

     Silence.

     After I explained that I work every day and haven't taken a real day off in two years and haven't taken a vacation in over 4 years, he simply shook his head and asked me if I wanted to live. I told him I thought I was living. He said, "You're going to die if you don't stop. Yesterday, your body told you it needs rest and to slow down. If you don't slow down, you're body will slow down for you and next time may not be so nice."

     I get it. I understand. I cried for what seemed like hours because at that moment, I realized I had been cheating my family of my time. And if I had kept on, I was cheating them of my life and my presence completely. For a work-a-holic, the only way of life that we know is to wake up thinking of work, to work all day and to go home and stay up on the computer working out ways to be ready for the next day and to get one step ahead. I realized that I haven't had a full nights sleep in over 4 years that hasn't been interrupted in some way. I've pushed my body to the absolute limit and I can't expect to continue this way.

     Today, I'm typing this during an Open House and I've had to reschedule three clients for Monday because I'm taking tomorrow off to be with my family. Because my family deserves ALL of my time. I had clients that I cannot show rental homes to them this evening because my husbands birthday party is tonight. They didn't like my answer and it was hard to tell them no because I don't want anyone to be upset with me. I have changed my voicemail to let people know when my days off are and that I won't be available. I have also set normal work hour parameters. I would usually get home around 8:30 at night. That is unacceptable. I'm wrapping up at 5 and headed home to hang out with my precious daughter. Life is simply too short to not focus on God, family and quality relaxation time. I still have a great work ethic, I just changed the rules. If this story has hit too close to home for you, take today to change your priorities and change your schedule. Set the right expectation for your clients and anyone else in your life that demands your time. Let them know when you start and stop accepting calls, emails and texts and if it's beyond your "end" time it will have to wait until tomorrow. Nothing is more important than your health and being able to be there for your family for years to come. I'm a new Realtor. A better Realtor. A healthier Realtor. It just took a big slap in the head to make me see it. Thanks for the reminder, God. Written by: Myka AllenJohnson Owner/Realtor StarPointe Realty Author: Tales From Sales: Hilarious, Outrageous and True Stories From Home Sales www.talesfromsalesmykajohnson.com forsalebymyka@yahoo.com 512-585-3703 cell

Lessons From Zig Ziglar's Granddaughter

“Do What You’re Doing Now To The Best Of Your Ability.”

Zig Ziglar’s Granddaughter, DeDe Galindo

April 24, 2013

 

                Today I was honored to meet a legend in the inspirational speaking industry.   She is DeDe Galindo, Zig Ziglar’s granddaughter.  What an inspiration and a positive influence.

                The last time I saw Zig Ziglar speak before he passed away was in 2008 in Dallas, Texas.  Previously, I had seen him speak and he was all over the stage!  Running from one end to the other…reaching out to people with unbridled enthusiasm.  He was mesmerizing!  This last time I saw him, he was helped to the stage by his daughter.  He sat in a chair for almost two hours answering questions from his daughter and the crowd.  Unbelievably, THIS time, was the most mesmerizing he has ever been.  I absorbed every word he spoke and remembered every story.  Two hours seemed like two minutes.  You could have heard a pin drop in the American Airlines Center.  He received a standing ovation for what seemed like several minutes.  I did not want it to end. 

                When I left, I was uplifted, inspired and determined to make my life and my career an inspiration to others.  I thought to myself, “How can such a small in stature man have the power to silence, inspire and bring tears to thousands?”

                The answer to that question was answered again today by his granddaughter, DeDe.  It was his purpose.  It was his purpose and his drive in life.  He had a genuine passion and love for helping others become better and he was a living testimony that it worked.  I realized when I left the American Airlines Center that day, that I had a purpose driven life and I was able to set goals that have helped me get to the place where I am today and I haven’t stopped climbing and setting resolves for bigger and better things.

                DeDe Galindo spoke today about following your purpose.  She tells us to have the “Right Mental Attitude.”  We should always be aware  of our surroundings.  Surround yourself with other purpose driven and positive people; listen to them and keep learning.

                Are you ready when you’re big break comes? Or when opportunities present themselves?  If you’re not, it can pass you by and you’ll never know it was there.  Overcome suffering and hard times.  Do not let it take over.  Get back up and find your purpose again.  Wherever you are right now, whatever you’re doing while you’re reading this blog…do what you’re doing right now to the best of your ability.  You’ve made decisions that have led you to this moment in time, right now.  Get up…do the best you can do right now and every day.  You will create beautiful opportunities for success when you do.

                What is your purpose right now in your life?

Written by:
Myka AllenJohnson
Author/Realtor/Brokerage Owner
Author: Tales From Sales: Outrageous, Hilarious and True Stories From Homes Sales
Realtor/Owner: StarPointe Realty in Killeen, Texas
forsalebymyka@yahoo.com
www.talesfromsalesmykajohnson.com
www.starpointeforthoodhomes.com

 

From left to Right:

VP of Women's Council of Realtors, Gloria Smith, DeDe Galindo and Myka AllenJohnson

Why I Look Like A Deranged Ninja 363 Days of The Year

Why I Look Like A Deranged Ninja 363 Days A Year

 

                I have a debilitating fear that keeps me from effectively showing homes to my wonderful clients in the Spring and Summer.  In Texas, it’s Spring and Summer all year with only two days of Winter.  So, I’m deemed officially, an anxiety ridden agent with the propensity to pass out at any given moment for 363 days of the year.  How, you may ask?  It all started when I was 4 years old in Houma, Louisiana.

 

                In the year 1978, I had the highest and worst fever I had ever had in my short little life.  I remember all of the events as if they were moments ago in my mind.  I was lying in my cute little bed, sick, coughing, burning up with fever.  Suddenly, I heard a noise in the hallway.  I looked over my toes, over the end of the bed and into the doorway.  Something about two feet tall, white and fuzzy leaned into the doorway and looked at me.  I was scared stiff!  It had no face but looked like a spider web cocoon that was two feet tall and about a foot wide. 

 

                It waddled into the doorway where I could fully see it.  It looked like the frosted side of a frosted mini wheat.  I know.  It’s stupid.  But I was scared to death!  Somehow, it climbed up the foot of my bed, crawled over my feet and stood on my legs rocking back and forth.  I was paralyzed with fear.  I couldn’t move, breathe or make a sound.  Suddenly, it lunged at me and ran up my body and attached itself to my face!! Like in the movie Alien and I was Sigourney Weaver!  I couldn’t breathe!  All I could see was white webbing and it was sticky like a spider web.  It was horrifying!

 

                After struggling for what seemed like an eternity, I finally was able to scream out to my mom.  When she came running in and sat by my side, it ran back down my body and out into the hall.  She hadn’t seen it of course.  I told her what had happened and she told me that I was hallucinating because of my fever.  But the damage was done.  I was forever deathly afraid of spider webs.  Not the spiders.  Just the spider webs. 

 

                Now, it still affects me the same way.  In Spring and Summer, I walk around completely terrified because webs are just floating on the wind everywhere!  If one wraps around me or touches me…I hit the ground, completely paralyzed!  My husband thinks it’s hilarious and just laughs and points at me while I’m lying on the ground wrapped in soft, completely non-harmful silk.  It’s my kryptonite.

 

                Sometimes I tell my clients and sometime I don’t.  Sometimes I have to tell my clients because as I’m walking around outside, I’ll duck, jump, run several feet around one, crawl on my knees to escape a floating web or simply lay down on the ground and wait for it to float past, all while whining and whimpering for it to please go away.  Only when my clients are staring at me thinking I’ve completely lost my mind, do I then have to tell them my stupid fear.  I look like a deranged ninja trying to steal a diamond that’s guarded by deadly lasers throughout the room.  Except not as cool and stealthy…and not in as good of shape. 

 

                What are you afraid of?

 

 

Written by:  Myka Allen Johnson

Published Author of Tales From Sales:  Hilarious, Outgrageous and True Stories From Home Sales

Owner/Realtor of StarPointe Realty in Killeen, Texas

Follow me on Twitter:  @StarPointeMyka

Like me on Facebook:  www.facebook.com/talesfromsales

"I just talked to my dead cat, MuMu."

 

"I Just Talked To My Dead Cat, MuMu."

 

      A few years ago I obtained an amazing listing that any Realtor would die to get their hands on!  They had met with nearly every Realtor in town and weirdly decided that they liked me.  (Not sure now if this is a compliment.)  We had a great first meeting.  We toured the home, had a great conversation that lasted for a couple of hours.  Somehow, we ended up talking about how much we loved our pets.  So I sat there and listened to the owner talk about her beloved cats.  Not a big deal, but it hadn't gotten weird yet.  We ended the meeting on a great note and agreed to meet the next week to take pictures of the home.

 

     The week dragged on.  I was so excited to get back out there and take pictures of the gorgeous home.  I was going to be the envy of every Realtor in town.  Upon entry, we immediately started talking again and of course the chatter began about the owner's cats.  She has one at her other house and her almost human like cat/child, "MuMu" had just passed away. 

 

     She was able to communicate through a choked voice, tears and puffed out bottom lip that MuMu was her son, her pride and joy and the reason she lived.  She didn't think she could go on.  And at this moment, she had to sit down, the grief was overwhelming.  Which meant, I had to sit down, put my hand awkwardly on her hand and tell it would be okay.  The conversation that came next is one I've never had with anyone.

 

     Me:  "Please don't be sad.  I'm a firm believer that our pets go to heaven.  He's in a better place now."

 

     Her:  "I know.  I just want him here."  She choked out. 

 

     Me:  "Well...(at loss for words) maybe you can get another cat."

 

     Her:  "Are you kidding?  MuMu is coming back.  I can't get another cat." She beligerantly yelled at me like I was an idiot.

 

     Me:  "Umm...what?  What do you mean?  Like Pet Sematary?" (That's how it's spelled in the movie.)

 

    Her:  "What?  Well...we buried him in the pet cemetary close to our home outside of town."

 

     Me:  "Oh yeah.  That's the one they're going to move and make room for a new subdivision." (Big mistake.)

 

     Her:  "WHAT???" she screamed and started wailing, crying and asking me to tell her that's not true.

 

    Me:  "W...w...w...well, maybe it's not true.  I...I..I'm not totally sure."

 

     Her:  "Well I hope not!  He said he was trying be happy where he was.  If we move him, he'll just freak out even more! 

 

     Me:  "Uhhh...what do you mean, 'he said' and 'he's coming back'?"  (I was really starting to think I would have to call the authorities.)

 

     Her:  "I just got back from Michigan for the second time.  I went to talk with a pet psychic.  I needed to speak with MuMu.  He can't live without me."

 

     Me:  (Thinking to myself...yeah, he's dead.  He definitely can't live.  What the heck is this about?)

 

     Her:  "The pet psychic couldn't find his spirit at first because alot of pets were trying to come through and talk to her. (Imagine me with a "is this a joke?" face.)  But then...then...my MuMu came through.  He told the pet psychic that he was scared where he was and that he needed time to adjust.  He needed exactly a year.  When it's been a year since MuMu's death, I should go to the pound and look for a cat that looks like MuMu (black and white) or has red hair.  Then he'll be reincarnated within the cat I choose and my MuMu will come back to me.  He'll come back!"  And she started to sob again.

 

     Me:  (Not believing this was even a real conversation.) "Well, there ya' go!  Proof positive all will be well.  Let me just get these last few pictures done." I got up slowly to take the rest of the photos and mainly to get away from the madness.

 

    

     So she layed her head on the table, exhausted from the sobbing and pain that she had to wait a year for her cat to be reincarnated.  I wandered around taking photos in surreal silence, only interrupted by an occasional murmur that whispered sadly, "Mumu." 

 

     I had so many questions.

 

     How does a cat communicate with a pet psychic?  Series of foot taps?  Tail swings?  Yowling once for yes and twice for no?  If I can't tell if my cat is constipated or hungry in the real world, how can a dead cat communicate reincarnation to a live human?  Then I found out she spent about five grand on the whole ordeal.  Suddenly...I think my cats are making more sense and if any of you doubt it, I'll prove it to you, for a small fee. 

 

     What do you think you're cat is saying to you?

 

Psychic:  "See..he's clearly thinking he needs more playtime from you in order to be happy."

 

Cat:  "I need to poop."