Why I Look Like A
Deranged Ninja 363 Days A Year
I have
a debilitating fear that keeps me from effectively showing homes to my
wonderful clients in the Spring and Summer.
In Texas, it’s Spring and Summer all year with only two days of
Winter. So, I’m deemed officially, an
anxiety ridden agent with the propensity to pass out at any given moment for
363 days of the year. How, you may
ask? It all started when I was 4 years
old in Houma, Louisiana.
In the
year 1978, I had the highest and worst fever I had ever had in my short little
life. I remember all of the events as if
they were moments ago in my mind. I was
lying in my cute little bed, sick, coughing, burning up with fever. Suddenly, I heard a noise in the
hallway. I looked over my toes, over the
end of the bed and into the doorway.
Something about two feet tall, white and fuzzy leaned into the doorway
and looked at me. I was scared
stiff! It had no face but looked like a
spider web cocoon that was two feet tall and about a foot wide.
It
waddled into the doorway where I could fully see it. It looked like the frosted side of a frosted
mini wheat. I know. It’s stupid.
But I was scared to death!
Somehow, it climbed up the foot of my bed, crawled over my feet and
stood on my legs rocking back and forth.
I was paralyzed with fear. I
couldn’t move, breathe or make a sound.
Suddenly, it lunged at me and ran up my body and attached itself to my
face!! Like in the movie Alien and I was Sigourney Weaver! I couldn’t breathe! All I could see was white webbing and it was
sticky like a spider web. It was
horrifying!
After
struggling for what seemed like an eternity, I finally was able to scream out
to my mom. When she came running in and
sat by my side, it ran back down my body and out into the hall. She hadn’t seen it of course. I told her what had happened and she told me
that I was hallucinating because of my fever.
But the damage was done. I was
forever deathly afraid of spider webs.
Not the spiders. Just the spider webs.
Now, it
still affects me the same way. In Spring
and Summer, I walk around completely terrified because webs are just floating
on the wind everywhere! If one wraps
around me or touches me…I hit the ground, completely paralyzed! My husband thinks it’s hilarious and just
laughs and points at me while I’m lying on the ground wrapped in soft,
completely non-harmful silk. It’s my
kryptonite.
Sometimes
I tell my clients and sometime I don’t.
Sometimes I have to
tell my clients because as I’m walking around outside, I’ll duck, jump, run
several feet around one, crawl on my knees to escape a floating web or simply
lay down on the ground and wait for it to float past, all while whining and
whimpering for it to please go away.
Only when my clients are staring at me thinking I’ve completely lost my
mind, do I then have to tell them my stupid fear. I look like a deranged ninja trying to steal
a diamond that’s guarded by deadly lasers throughout the room. Except not as cool and stealthy…and not in as
good of shape.
What
are you afraid of?
Written by: Myka Allen Johnson
Published Author of Tales From Sales: Hilarious, Outgrageous and True Stories From Home Sales
Owner/Realtor of StarPointe Realty in Killeen, Texas
Follow me on Twitter: @StarPointeMyka
Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/talesfromsales
You definitely wouldn't last on our summer walks through the woods with the dog. It's like that scene out of The Hobbit with all the spiders. We spend the whole time flailing around, yelling and grabbing at our faces.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes think I see gargoyles sitting on mailboxes... but they're nice gargoyles. I should probably drink less.
...and take breaths while drinking! Seriously @KidFreeLiving, I had an anxiety attack when I watched that scene in the Hobbit. My husband had to talk me down. I once flipped a golf cart because I pulled it so hard to the right to avoid driving into a giant web spanning between trees.
ReplyDeleteI can even sense their evil in the dark. I would love to meet you but let's NOT walk your dog or you will be resuscitating me on the walking trail.